Some people seem to blast confidence wherever they go, where you might feel as if you’ll never quite get there. However confidence comes in many forms, and is different for everyone. It can be easy in a busy and constantly connected world to feel that those who shout the loudest are listened to above everyone else.
But we are here to help you realise that you are that amazing person we all know you are and that confidence can come from within, and doesn’t need to be shouted about.
1. List the things you are good at.
You might think you’re not good at anything, and we all have those days/weeks/months. But once you start writing down things that you are good at you’ll be so surprised. I’m not saying you have to be an Olympic athlete to be good at something, but write down anything that you think ‘Yeah, I’m good at that!’. Whether it’s looking after your younger siblings, being a good friend or listener, being good in any subject, loving a certain hobby–literally anything you can think of, make a list. Try writing down at least ten things. I bet you’ll come up with way more than you realise.
When everything is written down you can put it up on your wall so you see it every day, and it will remind you of how awesome you are. If you don’t want to pin it up, you can keep it super private and take a look at it every now and then – when that confidence starts to go downhill.
2. Self-affirmation and positive vibes.
It might seem cheesy, but self affirmations really do work. You can incorporate them into your morning routine when getting ready for work/school. Whether you’re brushing your teeth, washing your face or doing your makeup, throw in a few positive words to yourself that you were doing an awesome job. It can be so easy to wake up in the morning and start being negative. So instead have a list of phrases you want to keep telling yourself until you believe them. Such phrases as: you are talented, you are loved, you are amazing, you are a great person, you are really good at X. The list goes on! You can change the positive affirmations each day, or change them weekly; it’s up to you whatever feels right for you.
Some people write these down on paper and stick them by their bathroom mirrors, or in their bedrooms, find somewhere you feel comfortable having them pinned up.
If you have a tendency to think negatively, try changing the language you use with yourself and flip the script. Instead of saying what if this goes wrong, what if that doesn’t work; Try saying what if it goes right? How great will it be when this works out? It’s the small changes in language that can change how you perceive the situation, and build your confidence to tackle any problem coming your way. There is that good old phrase fake it till you make it, which although overused can help in certain situations. You might not feel confident but if you keep reiterating to yourself that you are confident and you can do this, that internal validation of yourself will shine through.
3. Starting something new? Try learning little and often.
The older you get, the less things in life you try for the first time. It can be really daunting to start something new, and it can feel like you’ll never master the skill and it might make you question how if ever you’ll ever be good at it. It can be really tempting to try that double back flip your first time at gymnastics school, although ill-advised! Or you might Wanna try and run a couple of miles without really seeing if you even can run 100m easily. We might try and copy that person we’ve seen on TikTok, but what we don’t know is that they’ve been doing this for many years. We are only human, and when we want to be good at something it can be really frustrating not mastering something straight away.
The trick is to start with baby steps, have frequent small milestones you want to achieve, that can happen either at the end of every session, or every week however you want it to work.
For example if you were going to start to run, you would start to run for two minutes without stopping, and then walk for five minutes, then as time progresses lengthen your run and shorten your walking time. Before you know that you’ll be running a 5K uninterrupted. This example relates to every skill in life whether it is social or professional. Having frequent small goals can really make you recognise how quickly you are coming along and learning. If you want to learn a new language, just start by doing 15 minutes a day, and build up the time from there or say you will learn 5 new words a day. Breaking down learning a new skill like this can stop the feeling of being overwhelmed by how much there is to learn. It will also build up your confidence by thinking I couldn’t do that last week. I can do that now!
Just keep remembering you’ve got this and it’s amazing how quickly you’ll be learning and growing by using this method.
4. Set yourself up for success.
If you don’t feel confident in social situations, and would classify yourself as more of an introvert, maybe don’t try to make friends during a busy party. Figure out what kind of situation you would like to meet people – during an online game or during a quieter time in a more one on one situation. By knowing what makes you feel comfortable and then pursuing something you don’t feel comfortable with in that comfortable environment can increase your confidence to put yourself out there.
If you don’t feel like you are managing your time effectively and that’s knocking your confidence, try scheduling in and parts of your day to get all your tasks done with no distractions. If you are not a morning person, you won’t want to do the thing you’re anxious about in the morning so find a time you would feel comfortable taking it on. Think about what’s making your confidence hit rock bottom, and do everything you can to attend to those feelings. If you know that you’ve done everything you could then there is enough, you have done your best, and you are the most prepared you can be. Knowing that, should give you the confidence to go for it– Whatever that may be.
5. Do not compare yourself to others.
We all know social media is a sucker for us comparing ourselves to others. People are on holiday, in happy relationships, got a new job, got engaged etc. Sometimes it can feel like you’re stagnant and will never get anywhere. But that’s so not true, no one posts about their sad down days. Try limiting your screen time, if you find yourself endlessly scrolling and feeling sad and sadder. Checking with yourself regularly, how did you feel after using TikTok for that hour? Better or worse than before? Knowing how you feel and checking in with yourself will make you realise what things you’re doing that knock your confidence.
Comparison is no one’s friend, and people never post about the bad days. Make sure what you’re doing is for you and you only, it’s something you enjoy, and it’s something that you want to keep doing. If it makes sense to you it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.
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