Long distance. Something that most people will probably attempt at some point. Whether for a few weeks, months or years, making a relationship survive the miles can be pretty tough. So much so that we figured we couldn’t be the only ones to give out the advice on this one!
So, if you are getting closer, or even heading away from your other half for whatever reason, here is the best tips and tricks to making something last.
There’s nothing more important than this one, in our eyes. Whilst it can be hard to talk about feelings, especially those that are negative, it’s crucial! Letting the bad stuff simmer away in the back of your mind may seem like the right choice in the moment – especially if you don’t like confrontation – but the likelihood is that bad stuff will eventually bubble over and lead to some even worse stuff.
In our experience, that meant arguments and feelings getting hurt a lot more than they would have if we’d spoken about things calmly as they arose.
Work through tough feelings like jealousy, insecurity or whatever else might be upsetting you or your significant other is riddled with difficulties. Over distance especially, these things can become amplified. Looking back, you may wish that you had both thought more before we spoke sometimes – sensitivity towards the other party is just as important as speaking your mind.
2) But don’t communicate too much
This may seem counter-intuitive, but try to avoid texting for the sake of texting. You can reach a point in our long distance where once we knew what the other was doing that day, it was hard to just spark conversation over text; we found that trying to create conversation could lead to feelings of awkwardness or uneasiness because we felt disjointed, which almost always led to negative feelings within ourselves.
Communication is key. Always make time to message one another where possible, but don’t over do it.Instagram DM
So, if you find yourself struggling over text, just take a bit of time – even 30-45 minutes – and come back and check in later on. Taking a break can feel uncomfortable sometimes, especially if attachment issues are something that either one or both of you feel, but that only makes learning to not talk for the sake of it even more important.
3) Have patience and plan
Might be easier said than done, but it helps to be thinking of the next time you’ll see them.
Having date nights are a godsend. When schedules get really busy, setting aside at least one night each week to Facetime or Discord chat with one another can really break up the time.
Being so far away, we are limited on what you can do. Still, a few of our favourite ideas we’d like to pass on are things like:
- Watching a film or television show over a screen-sharing platform (like rabb.it or Discord)
- Playing online games
- Eating a meal together
- Drawing and making art
- Or just sitting and chatting with each other!
4) Mix it up
Write letters to each other.
5) Have reunions in the diary
Depending on the distance, money and your personal situations this one can be more difficult for some couples than others. But, if you can, planning visits far in advance can be helpful in the sense that it gives you something to look forward to and focus on. A common goal, if you like.
“It reminds you that you are doing this for a reason”Instagram DM
When you are apart, there is nothing better than planning all the things you can do when next together – like where you are going, gifts you can give each other and other cute stuff like that!
6) Trust is key
Trust trust trust. Trust is everything.
9) Avoid Certain Situations
Distance can eventually make you feel not good enough for one another. You can feel jealous that you rarely get to spend proper time together like others do, and end up harbouring large amounts of FOMO.
You can also let your other half know when you can’t reply or pick up the phone – this could save a lot of unnecessary arguments!
A way to deal with this is to agree that if one of you goes on a night out or big weekend away with other friends, you do not need to bombard the other with loads of pictures, videos, Snapchats, etc. Sometimes you can find that setting boundaries like the example above can help!
8) Focus on Yourself
If you do find yourself feeling left out, jealous, lonely, upset or emotionally distant from your significant other, try your best to focus on what you can do to help yourself. It can be easy to spiral into a pit of despair (we’ve all spent hours sat in those), so putting your mental well-being first is really key if you’re in a situation that involves somebody else so closely.
You can turn to painting, drawing, listening to music, doing yoga, going for a walk, playing with your pets or watching films. Even talking to somebody can help – don’t underestimate the power of talking, whether it’s about your struggles or about something totally random.
Whilst those things won’t always fix your situation or cure the horrible feelings, it did sometimes help to zone out a little bit and pass your time in a healthy way.
9) Remind them everyday that you love them
It can be easy to forget why you are doing it.
Inevitably, long distance can be hard. There can be down days and negative feelings, but it is possible. The important thing is that you can make it through and actually, it can make you so much stronger as a couple. Distance is a bitch, but in some ways, you’ve got to thank it.
If you are struggling with a long distance relationship, or anything else, you can reach out to the Ditch the Label Community here.
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