This is an open letter to everyone that I’ve hurt in the past to say that I’m sorry and to help you better understand why I bullied you
I have chosen to stay anonymous because I’m scared of the potential repercussions of posting this under my real name.
I guess we always had a lot in common, perhaps more than we could have guessed at the time. I’ve never really felt like I fitted in with anybody, yet I was always popular at school. I was popular because I made people laugh. Other people found me funny and liked me and it felt good. I first started to bully people because others thought it was funny and would then want to spend time with me. I didn’t really care about how other people felt back then because I didn’t know what it felt like to be on the receiving end of such abuse. I said so many bad words to you and I hurt you, along with so many other people.
No matter what I’m going to say, I don’t feel like it will ever justify what I did to you back in school. When I was 4, my parents got divorced and I moved to a different country with my dad. From the age of 4, I was only allowed to see my brother and mum a few times a year, which I found really hard. I don’t feel like I ever grew up properly without my mum. My dad was a bit of a soft touch and would just tell me not do do things again. He would never shout or get angry. I grew up wanting and needning my mum but knowing I couldn’t have her around me. It was hard because I felt rejected and didn’t know how to channel my feelings.
I hurt you in so many different ways and today I finally see how rude and hurtful my words were. See, now that I’m older – I feel how you must have felt. I don’t have any friends in this city. I often sit home alone playing video games because I don’t know how to socialise properly. My friends from school don’t want to know me anymore and you still probably hate me because I was so nasty.
I guess the purpose of this letter is to apologise, but also to tell you that you didn’t deserve the abuse I gave to you. I was so terrified of being alone and not having friends, so I would do whatever I could to try and prevent that. I wish I’d have gotten the help and support I so obviously needed – maybe none of this would have happened.