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Anger can be a useful emotion because it tells us when something is unfair or unjust.

We’re often told to hide our anger or to squash it down, but no emotion is a bad one, and we can’t turn them off.

Instead, we should see anger as motivation to try and address the unfairness we’re experiencing – but we need to do it in a productive way. So how do we deal with anger?

Although we all experience anger differently, it tends to follow the same general path. We start off calm, but then something triggers a feeling of anger in us and we become bothered. If we aren’t able to deal with that, it can escalate to anger and eventually can result in a pretty dramatic eruption.

So, to avoid an eruption, here’s how you can reprogramme your anger into something positive.

Reprogramming Your Anger

1. Recognise your trigger and how you’re feeling

Ask yourself questions

• Am I angry or is it a different feeling?
• What has caused it?

Then check your body for

• Increased heart rate
• Sweaty palms
• Hot face
• Clenched jaw

Check your mind for

• Irritation
• Erratic thoughts
• Clouded thinking

Then check your behaviour

• Are you acting as you would if you were calm?

2. Pause the escalation for a moment so you can reassess

• Control your breathing 
• Count to ten
• Go for a walk
• Put it in perspective: “will this matter tomorrow? next week? next year?”

Want to find out more about why we get angry? Read this.

3. Change course by reacting to the problem in a different way

Slow it down

Give yourself and the other person time to explain your views. Pause the conversation if you need to.

Write it as a letter

Write a letter or email explaining how you feel

Focus on ‘I’

Change it from ‘you’ focused to ‘I’ focused. Instead of ‘You don’t care about me’, say ‘I miss spending time with you’

Let it go

Accept that sometimes things won’t change

4. Channel your excess energy into something that benefits you

For help and support, talk to our online community here.

Feeling sad is something that happens to all of us. Your football team loses, you fall out with a friend, or something much worse happens, and it can feel like a smile is a distant memory. But what is sadness, and what actually happens to us when we feel sad? 

What does serotonin do? 

So this tricky little neurotransmitter in our brains is what is responsible for us feeling sad, called serotonin. A neurotransmitter essentially carries signals around our brain that controls how we feel. So, serotonin’s job is to deliver emotions and carry messages about our mood, and it’s often labelled as the ‘feel good’ neurotransmitter. It also transmits signals which help wounds to heal, and which help our digestive system to function normally.

We all have an evolutionary response to stuff that happens with us, to fight, flight or freeze. Serotonin is responsible for the freeze response in humans.

So, this is why we get depression? 

There is a definite link between low serotonin levels and sadness and depression. But having less serotonin doesn’t always mean you get depression. The brains of teenagers typically have a little less serotonin than adults, which means it’s harder to process emotions, and which is probably why we all feel a bit crap when we’re teenagers. 

Why do we want to increase it? 

Even though it might seem like we don’t have a huge amount of control over what goes in our brains at times, increasing serotonin levels is important if we have a deficiency given its link to depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions. Doing things to naturally boost serotonin will boost our general mood and having good levels of serotonin also means we literally heal from wounds faster, so it’s basically a super power. 

It’s important to know though that being sad, or feeling the effects of depression, is not a sign of weakness. If you need to talk to someone, reach out to our community here for free confidential support and advice. 

How do we do it then? 

• Exercise every day – it boosts serotonin in your brain and some studies have demonstrated that exercise is at least equally effective at increasing available serotonin as serotonin-enhancing medications
• Get your gut healthy – Much of the serotonin in your body is produced in your gut 
• Watch what you eat – Foods high in simple carbohydrates, such as pasta, potatoes, bread, pastries, pretzels, and popcorn, typically increase insulin levels and allow more tryptophan (the natural amino acid building block for serotonin) to enter the brain, where the brain cells can convert it to serotonin. 
• Light – some research suggests that serotonin tends to be lower after winter and higher in summer and fall. Serotonin’s known impact on mood helps support a link between this finding and the occurrence of seasonal affective disorder and mental health concerns linked to the seasons.

Want to know more? Here’s some things you should definitely be reading right now!

• How to Talk to Your Mates About Mental Health
• 7 Tips for Overcoming Social Anxiety
• 15 Ways to Be a Happier Person

What actually makes us happy? There are lots of things we think will make us happy, but that kind of happiness doesn’t seem to last very long most of the time. One of the reasons for this, is a brain feature called the Hedonic Treadmill. The Hedonic Treadmill is when we feel happy or sad for a time, but then return to feeling normal. So, even though we think earning lots of money and buying things will make us happy, we can’t buy happiness, and increasing happiness doesn’t necessarily come from working hard. 

For example, when you get a new phone it can make you feel really good. But it doesn’t take long before we get used to it, and eventually just take it for granted.

There are several hormones that are responsible for happiness, and these are endorphins, which are increased with exercise, serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin. 

Luckily, it’s easy to increase our general sense of happiness, by doing a few simple things…

5 Tricks to Being Happier

1. Having meaningful connections to the people and the world around you
2. Learning new things, and always challenging yourself to improve
3. Living an active lifestyle and keeping physically active
4. Taking notice of the good things going on in your life by keeping a gratitude journal at the end of every day
5. Giving time, money and attention to other people

Happiness is a tricky thing, but doing these things every day, you will start to see your general feelings of happiness increase. 

Feel like you need to increase your self-esteem? Read this.

Do you feel like you need to feel happier? Maybe talk to someone? You can reach out to our support community here for confidential help and advice.

Why do we get angry? 

Take a moment to think about a time when you were really angry.

What was happening in your body? Maybe your face felt hot? Or your palms started sweating?

When we feel an emotion, it’s not just happening in our head – our whole body experiences it.

Our mind is constantly in communication with our body. Together, they are sharing information about whether we are safe, or in danger. If our mind senses a threat, it can start a stress response which you may have heard of…

It’s called Fight, Flight or Freeze.

As soon as our brain sense threat, it floods us with hormones to make us do one of three things:

1. Fight the danger
2. Flee (run away from) the danger
3. Freeze on the spot, so we don’t draw attention to ourselves

If our brain decides we need to fight the threat, our heart rate increases and our blood pressure rises. This ensures that our muscles have a good blood supply.

Our muscles tense, our face flushes, and we speak more loudly – a way to intimidate the danger and alert it to the fact that we’re ready to fight.

In prehistoric times, this gave us the best chance of escaping from serious danger, and it has been our body’s natural response for the whole of human history.

How Do I Stop Myself From Getting Angry?

Stopping ourselves from getting angry can be a pretty difficult task, especially if we feel like the situation is asking for us to respond that way. But often, we can overreact to things, or what might be small appears larger, and we can get angry for little reason. It’s then what we do when we are angry that can have big consequences for us and those around us. 

Here are some super fast top tips to calm down: 

• Pause, and breathe
• Go for a walk or remove yourself from the situation
• Take it out on a cushion if you feel you have to
• Channel your energy into something constructive – do some exercise, write in a journal, do something creative that will help you take your mind off the situation

For more, read this toolkit on how to reprogramme your anger.

We’ve all felt stressed before. Exams, money worries, family issues, friend drama. Whatever negatively impacts your life is sure to bring with it some stress. But what actually is it? And what does it actually do to us? 

Stress is a state of emotional tension that we experience when our brain thinks that we are under threat. It developed as a very useful feature which helped us to run away from predators, and other immediate dangers. When our brain senses that it’s under threat, it instructs our body to release several hormones, including one called cortisol.

The hormone cortisol has several key roles in preparing us for danger:

• It affects our immune system, preparing us for injury
• Makes us hyper aware of potential threats
• Increases glucose levels in our blood, so that we have the energy to run
• Suppresses our digestive system, because if we’re under threat we don’t need to be worrying about eating
• Increases our blood pressure, so that we get blood to our muscles more quickly
• Reduces our sensitivity to pain, in case we are injured.

All of these effects are very useful in short-term emergency situations

The problem now, is that our modern society is filled with lots of things that make our brain feel threatened, or under attack. These small things can add up, making us feel stressed

We are all unique, so each of us can tolerate a different level of stress before it gets overwhelming. Some people can “fill up” more quickly than others, meaning they get stressed more easily, and that’s OK.

Whatever your capacity, whether you’re a tiny teacup or a massive mug, even the small things can add up until they overflow. This can make us feel overwhelmed and out of control.

Think you can identify what a micro-stressor is? Read our case study and spot as many as you can

The good news is there are lots of ways we can reduce our cortisol levels, and show our brains that we are not under threat. The key thing is that dealing with stress requires an active response. 

CONNECT WITH NATURE

Whether it’s cycling through the woods, sitting on the beach, or hiking in the hills – being in nature automatically soothes our brain and helps us to relax.

If you can’t get outside, even listening to nature sounds can help you to de-stress.

OPEN UP

If you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, tell someone about it. You don’t have to carry stress by yourself – and sometimes just speaking about it can help us feel more in control. A problem shared is a problem halved.

SAVOUR THE MOMENT

Rather than focusing on the stressful times, we can unwind by focusing on the good moments in our lives. Next time something good happens to you, stop and really enjoy it – taking in all the details about what it feels like.

PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE

If you find yourself feeling stressed about something, ask yourself – 

“How much will this matter tomorrow?”

“How much will this matter next week?”

“How much will this matter next year?”

WRITE A TO-DO LIST

Sometimes we can feel like we don’t have enough time in the day, and this can make us feel stressed. By writing a to-do list, or a schedule, we can allocate time to work, socialise and relax, giving us more balance and control.

THINK FLEXIBLY

Think of as many different solutions to the problem as you can, or look at it from as many points of view as you can. Challenge yourself, to see how many you can come up with.

Need help with getting into meditation? Read this

Got something on your mind? Go to our support community for free and confidential support.