Appearance & Body Image

I think both my face and body are ugly.

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    Hello.
    I'm currently in high school, and I am even becoming annoyed of myself of how low my self-esteem is. I've been trying to just sometimes appear as if I'm egotistic when I'm the complete opposite of that, just to try and make myself feel better. It doesn't help.
    I've been told countless times by other kids back in primary that I was fat and weird, although this was a long time ago and we were all just small children, I suppose the fact that nobody really ever hanged out with me just got to me and my self confidence; despite having so many friends now who even occassionally genuinely tell me I'm a really cute person, especially when I bring my hair up. But whenever I look into a mirror, take a picture or just accidentally see my reflection in some sort of glass while walking to school, I start obsessing over looking at my face again and again looking at all the flaws on my face and desperately trying to cover them with nothing but my own mind telling myself that I'm fine just the way I am. But all those words that come from myself or any of my friends always seem empty to me. As if nobody actually means it as soon as I see my own face. I've been too afraid to bring my hair up in a ponytail the first few weeks, and I'm still afraid to do a lot of things. I keep feeling that I'm disgusting and my ideas are stupid and worthy of being made fun of. I just don't know how to stop this.. I'm super self conscious of my body, my round face, my small lips, my big round nose, and a mole right above the left side of my lip. I hate a lot of things about myself and my entire family just always tells me I'm stupid and dumb for thinking that as if I'm some freak who they suddenly got scared of. Please help. Give me advice, anything, I don't want to keep crying and being afraid to do literally anything new.
    Hi Rea,

    You ARE beautiful! Of course it's not easy to remember... but I'm telling you, it's true! And it's a wonderful thing if you see your true beauty. We are surrounded by images of what we're told is 'beautiful'.. but, really, those just create ugliness, since people are focused on developing themselves externally vs. internally.

    I''m sorry your family's reaction to you expressing your worries has affected you like it has... the way you feel is valid. And I'm glad you're looking to find a better way to feel happy about yourself.

    It's great that you've tried to present yourself with a bit of pride... 'faking it until you make it' has some sort of truth, if you make yourself truly believe it. Have you ever tried a 'mantra'? It's a few phrases you would say to yourself to get you into the mindset of self-love. I say my mantra daily-- I look in the mirror at myself (directly in my eyes) and state this:

    "I am beautiful. I am smart. I am strong. I am capable. I am worthy of love. I am loved."

    Don't worry if you try this and it creates lots of emotions... that's where the healing begins.

    Would love to know how it goes if you try this!

    ​​​​​​​-willow

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        Hi Rea,

        I feel for you, sounds like you are in a tricky situation. This post is focused more on facial beauty and I really hope it helps. It's advice for myself first and foremost.

        Here is one thing that might help. Some attractive/well liked/popular people are not conventionally attractive but instead, they have made up for their lack of face symmetry, inherent facial beauty and/or wacky proportions by improving themselves in some other way. One way might be smiling warmly a lot...an 'ugly' frowning face is usually a LOT less pleasant than an 'ugly' smiling face. Smiling radiates positivity but sometimes, those of us who are less attractive might smile less because we think we look ugly when we smile when in fact all that does is make us look mopey, sad and/or unapproachable.

        Another way these famous icons might make up for their lack of inherent facial beauty is being excellent at what they do...Rihanna for example really doesn't have great facial proportions, nor is here body that attractive...but she is loved around the world and people think she is a stunning 10 out of 10...even the icon CHRIS BROWN used to be with here (and whether you like him or hate him, there's no doubt he is one of the most attractive people in the world). What she did is be amazing at her craft, have her own unique attitude and style, and be confident about what she has been given genetically.

        Lastly, we can look at Jaz Z. Again, correct me if I am wrong, he is not inherently attractive, and not even really in shape from what I remember, but he is with Beyonce who is regarded as one of the most attractive women in the world. How did it do it? Confidence, being amazing at his craft, and keeping presentability by looking after himself ( always has a fresh haircut, teeth is white which you can whiten like once a year etcetera and similar for Rihanna).

        Regardless of the examples I've used, I just want you to get the take home message which is that regardless of what we have been dealt, we can always
        1) Improve on the things we can change (e.g. keeping our teeth white, keeping our hair presentable, smiling warmly when greeting people) and
        2) Be content with the things we can't change (e.g. some face asymmetry, some disproportionate facial features, face shape ).

        All the best to you, handsome person!
        Last edited by Sam_Sam; 04-09-2019, 11:16 PM.

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            I am ugly be today's standards. I am 31 and never heard that I am sexy, handsome,cute whatever. I ashamed of who I and even told my own mother that she gave birth to an ugly human being. Life is just shit for some and there is nothing I can do .I don't need to whiten my teeth or loose weight. I am great chef and can cook but it just doesn't impress anyone or make me more sexier.

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                Hey lionel1533

                How do you know? Maybe people just haven't heard anyone say it but we can't get inside everyone's head and know what they are saying or thinking about us. \

                Self love is a journey and not a destination, so you have to challenge that thought of being ashamed of yourself.

                Try and work on changing your mindset around your appearance and this will shine outwards.

                -Remi

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