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  • Need Someone To Listen

    Right now, I'm 5"4 and 50 kg. For the first few years of my life, I was pretty skinny, flat and didn't love sports but still had a pretty high metabolism. Then around grade 5ish I started gaining weight, and as puberty hit in grade 6, I got boobs. Not as fun as it sounds. Mine came at the same time as most of my friends, but mine were always bigger. Due to this, it was hard to do sports and run and jump. All you heavy chested girls knew the struggle in the fitness unit in grade school. Also, I just didn't like sports. I did basketball for most of my junior year but it wasn't any fun, I just needed an activity. I am SO SO uncomfortable with my thighs, my hips, my stomach, my chest. My thighs are a lot bigger than my lower legs (calves etc) and it looks super weird. My stomach is a little pudgy and I hate it. I have a lot of friends who all have insecurities but know how to overcome them and have a good time. I can't do that. I don't know why. My mom thinks I'm crazy and often gets mad when I try to talk about this. She thinks I should be grateful for my body and how some flat and skinny girls in my class look like "boys" (again no hate, this is just what my mom said) but I don't think she has the right to say that since as a kid, she was also pretty skinny and fit. I know I'm not fat. I'm not prone to any diseases yet but. Everyone around me is so beautiful and I feel so terrible sometimes.

    Due to the stress coming from my parents, some friend problems, my body issues, school, relationship stuff, I got diagnosed with Trichotillomania. Search it up it sounds pretty gross, but a lot of people suffer from it. It's generally caused by extreme amounts of stress. And since I'm too young for strong antidepressants, my only option is to shave my head. Because of my low self esteem, and body issues, I have a REALLY weak will power and I know therapy won't help. My parents don't believe in therapy either so. I'll have to shave my head or this will keep coming back again and again. My parents don't understand how important my hair is to me. It used to be the only thing I liked about me, it was long, and pretty. Now I've cut it short to prepare myself for the head shaving.

    I just hate my life. I know there's people out there with worse situation and I truly am sorry for them but rn, I want anything but the life I have rn. My friends are usually supportive and call me cute etc etc but they're my friends. I don't know what to do.

  • #2
    I like you used to be super skinny with a fast metabolism so that it didn’t matter at all what I ate but that stopped when I went through puberty and I have had to work very hard to love my now different body - and it does take work when you’re used to a certain body type. We need to remind ourselves of how awesome our bodies are - how much they do for us every minute of every day.

    And while I’m at it, who is it that decided what the perfect body is? I wasn’t at that meeting and it changes every few years. :/ Some of the work is to keep saying it to ourselves until it becomes a default and we start to really believe it. Even if you do it purely as an act of rebellion!

    With Trichotillomania, depending on your age, you may be able to access support without your parents permission and you absolutely deserve support and help with that. The right support will give you real coping strategies and ways to cope with stress so that it is less likely to happen once (and if) you decide to grow your hair long again.

    Have you tried searching for any online resources for it?

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    • #3
      Blondie Hi! Thank you so much for responding, I'm really struggling with this. Yes I've done some research but all I found were "willpower" techniques, anti depressant drugs, and getting therapy. It's summer, so I can't even get therapy from my school counselor privately, and my mom says I'm not allowed to take anti depressants. As for the willpower techniques, I've really tried but I just don't realize when I'm doing it. I figured out when I do it the most and that is when my other hand is free such as being on my laptop, before sleeping, taking a shower etc. But these are all things I need to do, I need to be on my laptop because of work. This is going to sound stupid, but I've tried binding myself, (not harmfully but with a scarf or something) but that becomes uncomfortable and as soon as I take it off? Back to the pulling. There isn't really any other way to solve this I think because I've permanently damaged the roots? So hair in those places won't grow back. I don't like it, but I think shaving it is the best option...

      As for the body image thing, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm American Indian and as I explained in my last post I think, the girls in my class are all super skinny and the boys are fitness freaks. I would just like to know whether being 5"4 and weighing 110 pounds is normal?
      (PS: I'm 14)
      Last edited by anna_34; 27-06-2019, 06:48 AM.

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      • #4
        anna_34 The weight question: that is absolutely normal and healthy! While I'm not a fan of tables on what you should weight as it doesn't take account of all the individual differences and nuances of individuals, if you take some of the tables as a guide, you are completely in the range of "normal and healthy".

        You're really proactive on the pulling but I'm going to look into this and see what I can find that might help.

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        • #5
          Blondie
          Wow thank you so much! That would be wonderful!

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