Friends and Family

Did I Do Something Wrong?

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    I just need some advice. I used to be really good friends with this girl. We met the start of our freshmen year and became really close really fast, She struggles a lot with depression and other mental health problems. I do as well, so I always tried to be a person she could talk to. She was also always the person I could talk to. I knew how much talking could help someone out. Anyway, it got pretty bad for her at the beginning of this year. She stopped "hiding" it, if that makes sense. She just stopped talking and was always quite, so I did what I always did and asked her what was wrong. Eventually, she stopped answering. We have a class together this year, and we were both in our school's theatre program. We used to sit together in class, but one day she just got up and walked to the other end of the room. She quit theatre, and won't respond to any of my texts. If she sees me in the hallway she just turns around and walks away. It's not just me, she has cut ties with everyone in our friend group. I'm just worried. I know she's okay because I still see her in class and walking around the halls, but still. I don't know if I did something wrong or not. Is it wrong for me to be upset about this? Or should I just accept it? She seems happier now. I'll see her laughing and talking with a new group of people. I can't help but think that it was my fault she was upset. I just wish I knew what happened. Even if it was my fault, I'd rather know that then nothing. Can someone please give me some advice.
    Hi A Elizabeth, I know how hard this can be so it's completely understandable for you to be upset. You were once important to each other and that's a lot to move on from (some people say that getting over a friendship breaking up is harder than a relationship breaking up).
    It does sound though that she's moved on from all of her 'old' friends and as hard as it is, you may never find out why. You've tried really hard to reach out so please don't blame yourself. I'd suggest working on your other friendships and developing new ones as you deserve friends that will give back to you.
    Also, it's possible she's struggling with something so send her a message that says something like "If you ever want to talk, I'm here" and then she knows that she can still approach you if she wants to.

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        Hello there A Elizabeth,

        It's so true, a break in friendship can be so painful, especially when we don't receive closure and you don't know why. But just as Dipsi said, you can't blame yourself. It sounds like you were a great friend. If your friend has experienced a tough time in her life she may just not be able to have a friendship of this sort right now. It's frustrating because we can't get inside the head of other people. But know it is not your fault.

        Let her know you are there for her, with a smile, or a message and then try and focus on your own mental health and happiness and spend time with the other friends in your group who are still around.

        -Remi

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            Thank you all so much! I'm going to send her one last message tonight. I want to thank her for being such a good friend and let her know that no matter what happens I will always be there for her. If she doesn't respond, I'm going to take your advice. I'll work on moving on and focus on improving my own health. I guess, whatever happens, happens.

            She was a good friend and I hope that we can talk about it sometime in the future, but for now, this is probably best.

            Thank all again for your advice! It's helped a lot to get advice from someone who isn't currently involved in the situation. That's been one of the biggest problems, so thank you.

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                Hey A Elizabeth ,

                I'm glad the advice helped. You are a really good friend and i'm very glad to hear you will be focusing a bit more on yourself going forward. It's very important to know your worth.

                You may have a time in the future where you can chat about it all.

                Hope it goes okay, check in with us again if you ever need that outsiders perspective again, we're always here for you.

                -Remi

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