Friends and Family

How to deal with being an “extra” in a friend group

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    Hey I’m Amanda and I’ve been having weird feelings about my friends. In out “friend group” we have 6-8 people and we are pretty close. I don’t know if it’s just me in my feelings, but lately I’ve been feeling like I’m kind of an afterthought to my friends. Like if they were planning a day at the mall or something, they would all think of each other but I feel like I have to stand up for myself and say I want to come it can I come. Like if one person was not at school, they would still remember and say “oh this person too” but if I wasn’t there to say I wanted to come then they would probably forget about me. I could be totally wrong about this but I just can’t seem to shake this feeling and it’s annoying. Also I do a lot of things because I get in my feelings, and sometimes it’s not right, but I caused drama with one of our close friends in the group because I felt like I was a better friend to her and cared more than she did. Then her mom found out and she was mad, but now that it’s summer it’s settled a bit, and I apologize to the friend and told her I was sorry, and I think she accepted it, but I texted her mom to say sorry for the inconvenience and drama i created and that I hoped to be friends still but I think she’s still mad because she never responded. I don’t know how to get out of this situation because the parents in our group are close and with one of them not liking me I’m not sure how things are going to work or move forward. I need help getting out of this toxic mess and finding light and fun in my friends. I can’t seem to shake these feelings for some reason and I want them to go away.
    Hey awpanda! I can´t say that I know exactly what you feel, but I can say that I also feel like an outsider in our friend group and since it´s summer and I only communicate with one of them (my best friend) then that kinda proves it. I also fight with my friends a lot. Only thing I can suggest is that find some more friends. Maybe find a person, who is also that "extra" in their friend group. And also remember, that being a "weirdo" or "extra" isn´t a bad thing. It´s just who you are and if your friends can´t accept it then there´s nothing you can do. As I said, find yourself one good friend, who always has your back.
    We are also here for and you can also message directly if you need to talk to somebody .

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        Hello awpanda

        Oh I can relate to this, its tricky not knowing where you stand in your own friendship group. Remember that because of some of this drama that has happened you are probably feeling really insecure which means you would struggle to feel accepted and a part of the group. I don't think your friends mum should be getting involved though.

        Your friends should make you feel valued, is this something you could bring up with them maybe one at a time so it's not such huge pressure. She may still be a little mad and it might just take her a little time to move on from this, but it should be between you too and it may be that everyone else just doesn't want to get involved.

        I'm sorry you are going through a tough time, we are here for you.

        Remi

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            Thank you for your support. I really hope that time can make this better or that all of this is just me being paranoid. You’re right I don’t think my friends mom should be involved but she is and I really don’t know what to do about it anymore. It bothers me. I feel like she could be gemming her daughter to stay away from me or to not be my friend or telling other parents that I’m not a good friend or about her bias opinion of me. I think she does have a right to be a little upset but I also think that when someone apologizes then you should accept it and move on. I’m just having a hard time moving on personally and I hope this doesn’t become a problem for anyone else.

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                Hello Amanda,
                Try not to worry about everyone else in this situation. We can torment ourselves. trying to work out what people think of us sometimes but the truth is we will never really know. It sounds like a lot of this happened quite recently so just give it some to all blow over. This mom is probably just trying to protect her daughter.

                Yes you have apologised and no wall that is left to be done is to just wait and see.

                Keep your head held high.

                Remi

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