Gender

Trans or not

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    So I've been sitting on this thought for awhile, as far back as I can remember but I've never addressed it. Recently I've been thinking more about it, making lists as to if I am or not, if I'm just having some sort of identity crisis or if I should talk to my doctor.

    I'm having a hard time explaining these feelings and I've tried with my best friend but it's just hard to grasp the right words without rambling endlessly. How do you know for sure, is it an instant that you know who you are or does it take years to come into yourself.

    I feel lost and confused, and even a bit foolish. But I know I can't ignore this feeling that I'm living my life all wrong.
    Hey A.R

    Welcome to our support community, i'm really happy you feel comfortable sharing this here.

    It's good that you are giving this lots of fault. There are more of us than you think that question our gender and making lists is a really good way to get out what you are feeling onto paper. What common themes come up when you are writing your lists?

    While you are still figuring things out you will not know for sure but I think being able to talk through your feelings with someone will help you tease out who you want to be. You are not foolish and your thoughts and feelings are valid. What are some thoughts you are having that are making you feel you are living life wrong? There is no right or wrong way to live your life or your gender although I know society doesn't always show us this clearly.

    We are here for you whenever you need us.

    -remi

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        Thank you for replying back.

        The list I have varies but it mostly reflects how I feel or felt in situations. I remember the day I cut my hair off and thought for the first time how good I looked. On day to day travels anyone who misgenders me male by calling me sir, gentlemen, I kind of like it. I use to get mad because by birth I'm a girl, and my friends and family will correct anyone but I'm left thinking why bother? It doesn't bother me none. I dress like a boy, I wanna wear suits to formal functions and don't get me wrong I like dresses just on girls. Anything that a man does appeals to me and I know that could be easily seen as just a tomboy, a butch lesbian.

        I really feel out of place when it comes to being naked or having a sexual encounter or even going swimming. In these situations I can't do what my mind wants because my body could be wrong. And with summer coming again I think I'm starting to stress more.

        Because of this I feel like I'm going through life wrong, if I had just been born a boy maybe I wouldn't have these feelings and thoughts, insecurities and doubts. It's a lot to think about but it's one of the top five things I think about.

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            Hey there,

            It sounds like this is something that is coming up a lot for you, it must not feel great to not always feel comfortable in your body. Have you tried to speak to your parents about how this makes you feel when you are misgendered? Do you feel as though they would understand your point of view?

            There are some great stories on Youtube that I would recommend watching of other people that have experienced similar feelings to you.
            If you feel like it is something you think of often then it's good you are talking about it.

            We are here for you!

            -Remi
            Last edited by Remi; 05-01-2019, 05:20 PM.

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                It's just mom and my brother. And I don't have a great relationship with my mother, when I think about talking to them I don't really care what my mother thinks. I know I care about my brother more, speaking about this to him stresses me out.

                I have two good friends though and I've mentioned it to them, they support me no matter what. They suggested seeing my doctor to be able to talk more about it and be directed to the right people. I don't think I'm ready to talk to a doctor just yet.

                I have been exploring more via YouTube and other blogs until I feel ready. This was the first time i posted this outloud.

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