General Questions

How do I help my friend?

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 6 total)

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Author
Posts
    My friend has anxiety, which she's had for a while. It's devastating obviously, but what's worse is recently she's started hearing voices in her head, yelling and telling her what to do. This, among other things, caused her to rage at one of her closest friends, telling him that he has betrayed her, not been there for her etc. (which is as far from the truth as it can get, he even gave her keys to his and his girlfriend's apartment so she can stay there when she's lonely). And she feels these urges all the time. Once she yelled at the bus driver for no reason, and she's always devastated afterwards because she really has to fight hard to control her urges. The voices are stronger when she's stressed, and first started to appear after a fight with her dad, during which she was scared he would hit him like he sometimes did when she was little. She tried seeing a therapist, but hated it. So she's just suffering and sometimes hurting herself by banging her head to the wall. When she's at her worst she shuts everyone out in order not to hurt them, she says. What can I do? I call her every day which she loves, but other than that I feel completely helpless. Should I pressure her to see a new therapist? Or would that just make things worse? She has to stay in high school for an extra year because of all this, while all her friends are moving across the country (including myself), probably not making things any better.
    I'm sorry she and yourself are going through this.
    I have a few suggestions, but I'll be honest, I'm not entirely sure.

    So, the fight sounds like it plays a decent part in this? Do you know all the details of what happened, or not? Are you sure she's telling you the truth/told you everything? Whether she has or not, the fight could have caused something. Also, childhood fears can surface: you say he hit her as a child, and that can cause damage. My friend was hit by her dad for not complying and for years she hid it and eventually got into such a state that she just broke down over it. I told her to get help and she did, and now she's totally different; not completely okay, but much more confident. Fear can make people do some unexpected things. And if people don't talk about it and seek help, like anything, it can snowball into something much bigger to the point where it's hard to control/make into a smaller problem/take the problem away. It's good she's seen one therapist, it's a start. By what you describe, I'd HIGHLY recommend she goes and sees a doctor, a therapist, a nurse of some kind. Even going to a hospital - especially if she really hurts herself - may help. It's important she gets professional help, by one way or another. She may not like it, but if that's what needs to be done, and if she wants things to be less problematic, or even go away, it's what she may have to do.

    It's very good you call her regularly, and it's very good she feels better when you do. Keep that up. You could explain to her close friend(s) that she is currently going through something, you don't have to say what, but just assure them that they haven't done anything wrong and that things are being worked on. It sounds like something that, like I said, needs professional opinions, but keep doing what you're doing. Simple support, calls, texts, meeting up etc., can make a good deal of difference to people, especially when they feel lonely.

    The voices, I'm not entirely sure... it could be a result of the fight, but it could be something more medical - best to get professional opinion. The urges could be something from the voices, the anxiety, the stress etc., all being mushed into one. Could I ask how old she is? The only thing I know that relates to urges and can be triggered by stress/anxiety/etc., is tourettes, but people usually know from a young age if they have that, but also it comes out more when you're a teenager (I have it). A fight would definitely not help, and stress does make it worse. It would possibly explain the urges, shouting at people, but it's a very wild guess and please don't assume it is, but I'm more than happy to give you some information about it.

    Keep calling her, that's definitely good. See if you can contact any service lines and explain what's going on? maybe if you explain to them, they could give you an idea. Try to assure that a therapist is highly likely to help in some way. I went to the doctors for a year or so, and I HATED it, every single appointment, but it's help in some ways and a appreciate it now looking back. Again, I'm happy to answer any questions. Your bet bet is to consult professional help, definitely.
    Last edited by Marv; 06-10-2019, 07:51 PM.

    Comment


    • Celia
      Editing a comment
      I completely agree that she should seek help! Me and three other friends are actually seeing a group therapist to talk about her situation and what we can do for her, but we're not really getting much out of it, and are soon too old to keep seeing this therapist. Anyways the only advice we got was to make her seek professional help, but one problem is she really really doesn't want that. Her parents, whom she still lives with, see going to a therapist as failing, and this has really gotten to her, making her even more skeptical about seeking help. I think her parents actually plays a huge role in her problems, but she loves them too much and doesn't want to see that. So she listens to them when they say she just has to grow up and take care of her self, when in fact it's obvious she needs help. If any of that made any sense whatsoever
  • Comment


    • Celia
      Editing a comment
      I completely agree that she should seek help! Me and three other friends are actually seeing a group therapist to talk about her situation and what we can do for her, but we're not really getting much out of it, and are soon too old to keep seeing this therapist. Anyways the only advice we got was to make her seek professional help, but one problem is she really really doesn't want that. Her parents, whom she still lives with, see going to a therapist as failing, and this has really gotten to her, making her even more skeptical about seeking help. I think her parents actually plays a huge role in her problems, but she loves them too much and doesn't want to see that. So she listens to them when they say she just has to grow up and take care of her self, when in fact it's obvious she needs help. If any of that made any sense whatsoever
    Celia Interesting. I have two friends a little like that - the one i told you about just. One, he hasn't always got the most positive relationship with his step dad and mom, but he loves his mom and his dogs, so isn't keen on moving out to go to university, when it's clear needs to get away. I know he wants to leave, but he feels he isn't good enough/should live the same life as his mom (not going to uni and working for life)/shouldn't leave his mom for uni to achieve his dreams. But in fact, he wants to, and he needs to. He stays at home cooped up eating things he doesn't want to eat for dinner, not doing things he wants to do, and having to look after the dogs etc etc., the list goes on. Sometimes it takes a while for people to see that there's something wrong with their situation before they act. My other friend, who I told you about, I met her when I was 11 and I'm still friends with her now (we're 18). She told me about her issues at home for years but didn't tell me everything. Then one time, she told me every detail and I told her over and over to tell school. She EVENTUALLY did when she realised that it wasn't normal for parents to hit her. Sometimes people don't see they need help, and sometimes they believe that the reality their parents have created is that they must follow no matter what. If that makes sense?

    It's excellent you found a therapist to talk to. See how much more you can get out of them. Have you looked online public services? There are loads you can probably get your hands on and see if they can suggest anything. I don't know any myself, but you can easily search them up, there might be some on this site too. If she/you need help, it's always there somewhere.



    Comment


    • Celia
      Editing a comment
      I'm so glad your friend listened to you! Hope everything turned out okay for her I'll definitely suggest online services to her, maybe that can be helpful! Thanks for the advice
  • Comment


    • Celia
      Editing a comment
      I'm so glad your friend listened to you! Hope everything turned out okay for her I'll definitely suggest online services to her, maybe that can be helpful! Thanks for the advice
    Celia No worries! Hope things go okay

    Comment

    • Comment

        Hello Celia

        It's so wonderful that you would like to support your friend. From what you have said it sounds like the level of support that your friend needs right now is outside the remit that a friend or young person can support and as some other users have said she really needs to seek professional medical help - hearing voices is a symptom of psychosis so it's best that she see her doctor. Are her parents aware of the headbanging and the voices? If not it may benefit her to tell her parents the extent of her mental health issues right now.

        Not every therapist is the same, let her know that she can choose to see someone else and a lot of people find talking therapies life changing.

        Whenever you are supporting someone else, it is crucial that you are also supporting and taking care of yourself - you know the saying "you can't give from an empty cup" so practice lots of self care and remember that it is not your job to fix everyone, just be kind and loving and that's all you can really do.

        -Remi

        Comment


        • Celia
          Editing a comment
          Thanks for the advice! One problem though, is that her parents seem unable to realize the extent of her issues, they're quite conservative and especially her dad says he doesn't "believe in mental health issues". I think she needs help outside of her family and friend group, but she refuses to seek it. She says it would help a lot if her friends could just "be there" for her more. And she says that yoga and meditation helps, which is good. Still, she has random mental breakdowns in the hallways at school. Sometimes she'll sit by her locker, shaking and staring into the air like she can't hear or see anyone around her. I really don't know what she'll do next year, as she's staying at home with her parents whom she hates spending time with while the few friends who have actually stuck around for her will be leaving (she tends to scare people away by being too clingy right away and telling them about all her problems)... what do I do
      • Comment


        • Celia
          Editing a comment
          Thanks for the advice! One problem though, is that her parents seem unable to realize the extent of her issues, they're quite conservative and especially her dad says he doesn't "believe in mental health issues". I think she needs help outside of her family and friend group, but she refuses to seek it. She says it would help a lot if her friends could just "be there" for her more. And she says that yoga and meditation helps, which is good. Still, she has random mental breakdowns in the hallways at school. Sometimes she'll sit by her locker, shaking and staring into the air like she can't hear or see anyone around her. I really don't know what she'll do next year, as she's staying at home with her parents whom she hates spending time with while the few friends who have actually stuck around for her will be leaving (she tends to scare people away by being too clingy right away and telling them about all her problems)... what do I do

      Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 6 total)

      Working...
      X