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How do I deal with loneliness?

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    Aright, so it's been months since I was on here and I hate it. Really enjoyed helping people, but anywho... as the title suggests, I've been struggling with loneliness lately. So, I'm not exactly an extrovert, but not an introvert, something in the middle. I need people, I need to be social, I need to get out of my flat, but also I can get anxious around people. Generally, though, I need people and I'm happy to meet new people. I'm at university, first year. I've got a bunch of great mates, but the issue is: I've only known them since start of November. So I guess what I'm saying is, that long-term relationship trust/I know you perfectly thing isn't there. I'm one of those people who if I stay in my room too long, I get realllllly restless, feel really lonely, really crappy and, I suppose cabin fever fits what I'm trying to say. The longer I stay in, the worse I feel, the lonelier I feel, then I don't want to tell people I'm feeling that way. I've ended yup just crying before because I don't know what to do with myself. Like, sure I could sit and draw, write, watch tv, you name it, but the issue is that all that takes place in my room. And that's what drives me mad. Literally. I could take my stuff in the library I guess, but sometimes I just don't wanna carry all my stuff over, I guess friends are more important to me. Sometimes, I go for walks around uni and occasionally a friend comes with me which is nice. Tonight, I really needed a friend again. I needed a walk, but I got to the point again where I didn't want to ask /tell friends. Then I end up sitting out in the cold for like an hour by myself. The fresh air makes me feel better, but I just always want to be chatting to someone, ya know? My flatmates are okay but one doesn't ever get seen, two go home every weekend and are a bit meh, and the other one, one of my best mates is cool but sometimes I just need other company? - hopefully someone knows that I mean by that, like I don't dislike her company, but it just isn't always the kind of company I'm after. There's one friend who I've spoken to about this, and we've got into loads of deep conversation over the last couple months. I trust him like hell, but like I said earlier: there's that lack of a long-term relationship thing, a lack of knowing them perfectly. I dunno what it is. Tonight, I didn't ask if he wanted to come on a walk with me, and then when I finally did ask, he was doing work - which is fine. I think another issue is... I kinda have a crush on him... great... Loneliness is just really getting me down, way too often... Any tips?
    Marv Hey, it's good to hear from you! It can take so long to build meaningful friendships at uni - and not all of them will be deep and long lasting. It can take a good part of a year to develop them. I wish there was an easy solution but it's all about diving into and persisting with things like clubs and societies and working on it. If you join something that resonates with you, you are far more likely to meet like minded people that you can develop a closer friendship with. Everyone will be feeling pretty much the same at this point, no matter what it appears on the outside too. With friends like the one you have a crush on, try making plans in advance rather than leave it too late. Trust and closeness does take time and commitment from both sides so as hard as it is, try and be patient.

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        Thanks Blondie I've been considering going to a couple of new societies, going to the local club with some other mates I don't do much with. And also meeting some people I've only met once to widen my social group. I'm happy I've been eager to make friends and open myself up to new people, I think I've gone at it a bit too hard maybe? I dunno; I feel like I'm too persistent sometimes? maybe not persistent, but I feel like I keep asking people if they want to do stuff, I feel like I'm a bit of a nuisance? but I know that's not the case because the people around me do genuinely like me. I guess I need to just focus on expanding the social group, diving into more stuff if I can, and also not expecting to get super close ties with people straight away.
        Thanks again

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            Originally posted by Marv View Post
            Thanks Blondie I've been considering going to a couple of new societies, going to the local club with some other mates I don't do much with. And also meeting some people I've only met once to widen my social group. I'm happy I've been eager to make friends and open myself up to new people, I think I've gone at it a bit too hard maybe? I dunno; I feel like I'm too persistent sometimes? maybe not persistent, but I feel like I keep asking people if they want to do stuff, I feel like I'm a bit of a nuisance? but I know that's not the case because the people around me do genuinely like me. I guess I need to just focus on expanding the social group, diving into more stuff if I can, and also not expecting to get super close ties with people straight away.
            Thanks again
            I wouldn't say you're a nuisance at all - just keen

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                hey marv! it's not quite the same, but are you part of any online communities that follow specific interests? like comics, gaming, music, art etc

                sometimes i find it easier to chat to a group of people online about things we all jointly like and it makes me feel less lonely - balances nicely with real life friends

                might help!

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