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  • Bullied in my own home

    Hi guys! I'm new here so I thought I would make my first post.

    I am currently at university, and I am in private sector student accommodation and I live with 5 other people in my flat. Recently, my housemate's boyfriend has taken a disliking to me and has attempted to make my life unbearable. He makes lots of noise in the communal area which is the kitchen sometimes very late at night, has isolated me from the others, makes me feel uncomfortable and scared to even go in my own kitchen, has moved my things in the kitchen and tonight dumped the bin bags outside my door and walked off. It's also important to add that he does not have a tenancy agreement and is essentially a lodger, which is not allowed as per the tenancy agreement. However, I do not want my housemate to get into trouble.

    I have consulted an online help service and they have redirected me to some more to give me more advice and counselling on this. This situation has left me very vulnerable as I have been isolated, and the only company I get it when my boyfriend comes over which is once every week and a half for a few days. When he is around things calm down a bit and I feel a lot safer in my own home, but the situation quickly changes as soon as he leaves. At times I am genuinely afraid for my safety, I get very cold and start shaking, I lock my door some days and stay in my room for up 15 hours of the day - only leaving when I know its clear and I can go and make food.

    I have been bullied in the past at school, college and the home, however I feel truly isolated because the person involved isn't supposed to be living here! I am hoping to speak to my head of year tomorrow so she is kept in the loop in case things get worse. I am also documenting everything said and done to make me feel low.

    I'm just wondering what everyone else do in this situation? The housemate is someone I consider a friend and she is not treating me any differently because of his issue, although she does not speak to me as much anymore. I just don't want her getting into trouble for something he could just stop doing, leave me in peace and it would all go away.

    Thanks in advance


  • #2
    Pepper03 Hey and welcome to community!

    I know how tricky these situations can be. I definitely think it's worth having a chat on your own with your housemate as it shouldn't be up to you to have to approach her BF and to made to feel uncomfortable.
    Ask her if you can have a chat together (without him there) and maybe meet in a coffee shop so it's a neutral place. You can then say that you'd love to be able to resolve it but you may have to be quite firm if she is unprepared to as it isn't your responsibility to deal with this and as you say, he shouldn't actually be there. Hopefully she will understand your feelings. Without it feeling 'gossipy' - could you ask the other housemates how they feel about it?


    • #3
      Hi Blondie, hope you're doing well! Thank you for responding

      I have spoken to my housemate before about his behaviour about a month ago when we all returned from Christmas - he was acting offish then but not to this extent. She gave me a load of excuses about him "just being in his head" and it felt like I was being ridiculed for how I felt and that my feelings didn't matter?

      I spoke to my course leader today and she said to give her a warning of if things do not improve within a week then I will be going to my landlord. However, this is proving difficult as I have not seen her since the weekend just gone. I would be prepared to meet her in a neutral setting but he is constantly there and forever around so asking her without him having any influence or asking questions would be difficult.

      I do not know how much my other housemates know about the situation but I'm sure they know some of it - but most of them are still remaining civil towards me which is what I want. I just want things to be stopped and to be left alone, or for him to leave. I do not like giving ultimatums but it feels like I have no other choice at this time. The next few months are crucial for me getting my degree and I do not want to waste time and energy on something that shouldn't be happening

      Thank you again for your response!


      • #4
        Pepper03 This all sounds like a plan - I think it's vital to remember that you have the right to enjoy your own home without all this stress! Keep us updated.