Messed up

Pushed two people away I loved dearly

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    I lost my long-distance friend an second mom last year in July and I have been missing her terribly ever since. I kept in touch with her two daughters as it was a way for me to keep the memory alive. I guess I put in more than they ever did, our contact was really one-sided, I was usually the one to call or text or e-mail. Nonetheless, I called them "big sisters" and they called me "lil sister" and I felt loved - just as much as I loved them. After Christmas I was so disappointed that they had never even said thank you for the gifts I sent them that I mentioned to them that it didn´t feel like I was very important to them. The older daughter scolded me for that and accused me of not being nice at all and in a huff I questioned our relationship as unbiological sisters. What followed was silence and them blocking me on social media. I´ve felt so guilty ever since and like such a horrible person. I´ve tried to clear the air, e-mailed them, called them, wrote a snail-mail letter - nothing, no response. There´s no possibility for me to apologize or talk about it, they don´t answer my messages and never pick up the phone when I call. They made it so clear that they are done with me. It hurts so much. I can´t believe I screwed that up! While I used to think we could be open with each other, it showed that we obviously could not. But this is all my fault. If they would only give me the chance to talk it over, even if we couldn´t clear the air and be friends again, I might be able to stop torturing myself. I still love them, but I think they don´t even care enough to hate me.
    Hello there honeybee0110

    Please don't beat yourself up for this, you haven't done anything wrong and this is not your fault.

    It sounds like you gave a lot of attention and love to these people which they did not reciprocate. Sometimes people show how much they care about you with their actions and you should like the person you are when you are around friends and they shouldn't make you feel like you have to fight for their attention.

    I know it's hard but sometimes you have to let people go and it sounds like this is the time to let these girls go. Focus on the people in your life that want to be around you right now and like and love you for exactly who you are, can you think of anyone in your life like that right now?

    Remi

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    • honeybee0110
      Editing a comment
      Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, I do have people around me who cherish me and they have pretty much been telling me the same thing. I have just never made the experience of being "cut off" before without any talking over and I just keep thinking that if I hadn´t said anything, this wouldn´t have happened. I know they were still grieving for their mom, but so was I, and maybe I should have kept quiet in times like those. However, I still think being open and honest is important in any friendship, though. I was just shocked that this could ruin everything completely. It´s hard to let them go, but I hope I will be able to.
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    • honeybee0110
      Editing a comment
      Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, I do have people around me who cherish me and they have pretty much been telling me the same thing. I have just never made the experience of being "cut off" before without any talking over and I just keep thinking that if I hadn´t said anything, this wouldn´t have happened. I know they were still grieving for their mom, but so was I, and maybe I should have kept quiet in times like those. However, I still think being open and honest is important in any friendship, though. I was just shocked that this could ruin everything completely. It´s hard to let them go, but I hope I will be able to.
    Hello honeybee0110

    I know it's hard, being cut out with little explanation can leave us with so many unanswered questions which can be so confusing and also frustrating. If they are grieving they are going through one of the hardest emotional experiences they will ever go through and we all grieve in different ways so give them time to heal and deal with what they are going through. What is done is done is done and we can't change the past, you did and said everything with the right intentions and it is likely it is nothing you have done or said, so forgive yourself.
    https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-mates-leave-me-out/

    Sending lots of solidarity your way, never be ashamed of being open and honest it is very important.

    Remi

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