Sexuality, Dating & Relationships

Help! I have feelings for my friend.

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    So in about mid December last year I decided to tell my best friend about my crush on him (he says he’s straight, though I’m unsure). He took it pretty well and he let me hug him and cry on his shoulder (literally) and then school got off for winter break. Over winter break he texted me saying that I should tell my parents. (His parents read his texts. This is important later i promise). I told him I didn’t want to because I wasn’t ready. He then wouldn’t talk to me about my sexuality and he never gave me a reason. I slowly told a couple more people that I have a crush on him but he never would let me talk to him about it. The problem with that was that I needed to talk to him. I’ve never really been able to explain it but I guess I feel jealous towards him because he has a very good life. He doesn’t really have any problems, gets great grades, is the star of all the sports teams, and is really good looking. Oh, did I mention that the girl I also have a crush on likes him? And he likes her back and he flirted and danced with her at a school dance right in front of me? Huh I guess I didn’t. Anyways, we had been friends for 3 years but I only had a crush on him just recently. I started to realize that I had so many reasons to hate him, but I never could because I love him. I’d been struggling with this for a bit and the only way out seemed like suicide. I asked him what he would do if I did kill myself and he got scared for me. He told his parents that they should tell my parents about everything (his parents already knew I liked him because they read his texts). How I liked him, and how I thought about suicide. (It might be worth mentioning that my family and my friend/crushes family are conservative and Mormon). My parents were supportive but hinted that they thought I might just be confused about my sexuality. Eventually I finally snapped and told him about how I wanted to hate him but couldn’t. I told him that I was “done with him” and didn’t want to be friends. He didn’t really say anything but told me that he would be here if I needed it. I didn’t talk to him for about 2 weeks but then my dog got hit by a car. On that day I was desperate for someone to help and he responded. We sorta made up for a while but he did something and I stopped talking to him again. I just got back from a 2’day trip and he asked me how it was over text but I didn’t ever open it. I decided to text him again and tell him that I didn’t want to talk to him until he apologized for all the things he’s done to me, intentional or not. Through all this I still love him. I still want to be with him. But for some reason I need an apology first. I want to be friends with him, I want to love him, I want to hate him.

    What do you guys think? What should I do? Please help!
    Hey, thanks for coming to us and opening up about things that can be really painful. Firstly, because your safety and wellbeing is paramount - do you still think about suicide or have any plans? You can always reach out to organisations in a crisis 24/7.
    UK: Samaritans 116 123 US: NSPL: 1-800-273-TALK [8255]
    I think your friend is trying to be a good friend but wasn't sure what to do to help so told his parents - it doesn't sound like he did it with bad intentions but more that he was worried about you.
    Why don't you meet with him somewhere and clear the air - it could be that he would welcome that too and you'd both have the chance to say how you feel and tentatively start to work out how you feel about him. (As a friend and/or as a potential partner).
    Even if we do just want to be friends with someone feelings of jealousy and confusion are completely normal when we realise they find someone else attractive or start to spend time with others as it can feed into our insecurities that maybe they won't want to spend time with us anymore. In most cases we have to make the effort to adjust and make time for each other but it's definitely worth speaking to him first just to gauge where you think he's at too and explain how you've been feeling.
    How does that sound to start?

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        Hey Blondie, thanks for your concern.

        I asked him to go to the school dance thats happening this week so I could come out and he completly said no because he isn't in anyway attracted to boys. His parents also found out about this and someother things I had said over text while I was mad at him. They told my parents and i got my phone taken away and gone through. I had openly discussed all of this and somemore with other friends, looking for help. My parents were very disappointed and said I was "Harassing" my friend and was "burdening other peoples lives" by tellling people about this. I was told to apologize to my friend and to not talk about any of this to anyone but my parents. (that was all sunday night). Today I apologized to him because admittedly some things I said weren't very good. I had a plan on what I was going to do and say but things changed so I had to do it a different way. pretty much the only thing that stayed the same about the apology was the end, which I said "I love you, even though you don't like me in that way. But thats fine, we're still friends, and that's not going to change." He accepted the apology and said that he loved me as a friend and the he does care about me (I have accused him of not caring about me and that he wouldn't care at all if I killed myself). He's a nice boy and I really wish he was gay, but it's good enough for me to have him as a friend.

        Again thanks for your concern.

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            Hello NinjaPeach671,

            I'm sorry this is all going on, unrequited affection can be so so painful. I have to ask again are you still having thoughts of taking your own life. If you are please reach out to professionals or a family member. US: NSPL: 1-800-273-TALK [8255].

            Are there any online communities for LGBT Mormons that you could join to have some other folks that understand what you are going through right now?

            It's good that you are still friends, do you think you will be able to be friends with him with the feelings that you have. You aren't burdening anybody's life NinjaPeach.

            Stay Strong

            _remi
            Last edited by Remi; 02-13-2019, 12:48 PM.

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                Hey Remi,

                I'm not still having sucidal thoughts. Thanks for the concern. I don't know any groups like that. Thanks for assuring me im not burdening anyone, I was really mad at myself for that. We definately still going to be friends, dispite my feelings. We have decided that we are going to be more honest with each other and voice complaints that we have about our friendship. We have resorted to email because I don't have my phone. I told him again that I love him, romatically and as a friend. He said that while he doesn't love me romantically, he does as a friend. I love him so much.
                Last edited by NinjaPeach671; 02-14-2019, 07:43 AM.

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