Sexuality, Dating & Relationships

How to come out?

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    I haven’t told anyone (and this is the first place), I’m bi and I know it’s the right time to tell people

    the thing is I don’t know whether to tell my friends or family first and what to say to them . Does anyone have any tips from past experiences
    Hey there Matt ,

    Welcome to our community. Thanks for posting this here. We're really happy you shared that here with us and really pleased for you

    If you read through some of the other threads in this topic you can see a lot of our other community members have had a similar question around coming out so have a read over them.

    I think it's best to always tell the person who is going to take it the best first, so you get a nice easy win out of the way, so can you think of a friend or a relative that you trust who you believe is an ally to the LGBT community that would react positively - if someone is sticking out in your brain then I would say tell them.

    You could say it exactly how you said it at the beginning of this post if you like. Or you could try something different. You could write it out here first for practice if you think that would help?

    We're here for you!
    -Remi

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        Hi, thanks Remi

        im thinking about telling one of my friends either this week or next. Possibly in person but maybe on the phone

        im thinking about saying ‘your the first person I’m going to tell this too and I don’t want you saying it to anyone else until I’m ready for more people to know, I’m bi’ and reiterate the point that not to tell anyone else until I’m ready for more people to know.

        but there’s one problem the person who sticks out in my head might out me to other people but thinking he’s helping me( he tries to help but sometimes it’s not but it’s in his best intentions) But as long as I tell him not to until I want others to know he will probably keep it a secret. But I guess I’m thinking of things going wrong. The positives of him are he’s one of those people I’m never going to fall out with him so there’s no risk of me falling out with him and him spreading it meliciously and I find him troustworthy.
        Last edited by Matt; 03-11-2019, 06:40 PM.

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            Hey Matt,

            I totally get that you're scared of being outed. I was terrified of it when I first told one friend I was bi (I'm actually pan but I though I was bi then). I'm still not out to everybody and I'm always scared of their reactions. I think the most important thing to do is to do what is right for you. If you know someone and you don't want them to know yet, don't tell them. I know I don't want to tell my mom until I'm 100% sure of the labels I want to use.

            I think it's great you have a friend you might be able to talk to! I'm not really the best at coming out, but I mean, nobody's perfect. I think the sentence you came up with is great. The first few times coming out can be really scary, but I found that the more people I came out to the easier it got. I'm not saying it's not scary every time, I just found that for me I kind of stopped caring and thought I might as well be honest. I've come out to a few people by accident because I couldn't resist a gay joke.

            I don't know if this is helpful in any way. Just, do what's right for you. I'd also suggest that if you are going to tell someone who could potentially react badly that you first have a support system of some kind to make sure you're okay.

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                Thanks ANCIENTHISTOYBOOK and Remi I told one of my closest friends today and it was a 100% positive response

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