Sexuality, Dating & Relationships

Why won't my friend talk to me anymore?

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    The past summer was amazing. Me and my best friend (at the time) were hanging out almost every day, we were texting constantly, and he would sleepover once a week. As summer started to wind down, I started to feel depressed. And it kept getting worse. So I told him one night he was staying over, and he was really helpful, trying to help me through it. That went on for a while, and it helped, too. I thought that eeverything's going to be fine,but then I started to notice myself getting attracted to him. It was only a little bit at first, but since then has grown to be a huge crush. So, a couple weeks into school, at another sleepover, I told him how I felt. I said i think i like you, and i might be bi. He took it ok in the beginning, but over the school year it felt like he wanted nothing to do with me. It's now halfway into this year's summer, and he has texted me once and has not come over at all. I am getting nervous because he is going to a different high school then I am, so we won't see each other. I am extremely sad about these events because he was the only friend I had outside of school, the only one who I felt comfortable telling my secrets, and since he his kinda hot, it was nice to just have him near me. So my current situation is most of the people I talk to know I'm bi, (I have confirmed that) my parents don't know yet, the only person I trusted doesn't talk to me, and I still have slight depression. If anyone could tell me how to fix this situation, please, feel free. I am really desperate and confused. How did we go from best friends to not even talking. Is it too late to save our friendship?
    ( I only came out to him to begin with because he said a while back that we could still be friends if I was gay. But I wonder if I shouldn't of told him I like him)
    Firstly, I want to say you should be EXTREMELY proud of yourself for being so honest and open with him. It took be 5years to open up to my best friend, and even now I don't always tell him everything. I can relate to your situation in a few ways, so I might be able to give you some helpful advice. Post might be quite long. but as I said, hope it helps in some way!

    I'll jump to the most recent event that happened to me: I've just finished sixth form (between high school and uni/college) and I'm going to university in September. My friend, lets call her Zoe, used to hug me all the time, she used to want me to come get lunch with her, she said she loved me (as a friend), all fine and dandy. I got, not super close, but fairly close over the last couple of years. Last week was half term break, so I didn't see her. During that week, I went to a Pride Parade. Week commencing was exams so I didn't see her. On Friday, I finished school (forever) and was saying bye to friends. I went into a room with my mates in, and Zoe was there, and guess what. She didn't look at me once. I was in there for a god 15mins, she didn't set eyes on me at all. Mad, huh? She's super religious (which is totally fine!!) but always been twitchy about LGBTQ+ stuff/people. So that's why I think she VERY suddenly turned her back on me. What did I do? Nothing. I'm not bothered. She's said many times 'I'll always love you', and that we'd always be good mates, but that didn't turn out to be true haha. What I'm saying is, sometimes people say things, but maybe don't see it happening? So when it does, if it does, like in your and my case, they kinda go 'oh shit, okay... didn't expect that' and sort of back away? So what I mean is, maybe he just didn't expect it. Sometimes, people need some time to process the information. Although, in your story it seems like its been ages? Maybe see if you can drop him a message (more on that below)...

    I'm not going to try and get my friend back, because we weren't that close to begin with and we're going to different universities. But, you can always try to save a friendship if you so wish. Now, I'm going to tell you another story:

    My best mate, been friends for 6years now, and we both confessed we liked each other a few months back. We know practically everything about each other, but our personalities are quite different. He's really attached to me, and I'm more kinda, out there? The relationship hasn't gone to plan, so I'm planning to break up. But we're best mates right? So I'm 100% going to try and save the friendship. So, this is how I'm going to go at it, I plan to meet him in person and explain the situation, but make sure to tell him that despite our differences, I need to keep our friendship solid, because he means a LOT to me. I'm sensing that's what you feel? So, what you could do, is be honest with him, and either text him, call him, meet up with him, and say 'look, I know maybe when I said I liked you, you weren't expecting it, and maybe you were surprised, but I want you to know that you're still a really great friend to me, and I hope that we can still move forward with a strong friendship?' or something. See what he says.

    I'll also, say, that when you move to high school, there are sooooo many people you can befriend. Seriously, I moved friendship groups about three times, and eventually made my own. There is someone for everyone in high school, so you shouldn't worry too much about making friends or losing old ones. I'm not saying to not try and get your friend back, I'm just saying that IF it went in a direction you weren't hoping, there's always someone at high school who'll you'll make friends with.

    I hope this helps in some way. I'm not sure if this is the kinda answer you were looking for (?). I tend to tell people of my experiences, whether they have a positive or a negative outcome, just to let them know that they're not alone in their situation. I hope this helps!
    Last edited by Marv; 06-09-2019, 02:37 PM.

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        Thank you Marv! I really appreciate the advice, and I will make sure to use it. I can't express how much that means to me. thank you again!

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            Hey, Anthony IV no problem! I wasn't sure if it was that helpful or not, haha. I'm glad it was helpful in some way.

            Honestly, all you can do is try your best. And I hope it goes well for you. Just remember if it doesn't, it isn't the end of the world.

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                Hello Anthony IV


                As Marv has said, you should feel very proud that you came out to him and i'm sorry you didn't exactly get the reaction you were hoping for. There could be a whole list of reasons why you two aren't close anymore - he may be struggling to process that your friend could have a romantic element, he could maybe not feel the same way and feel a bit awkward about it - friendships and romantic feelings mixed together can always be a little tricky, you also may just be drifting apart naturally - especially if you are at separate schools. Try not to take it personally against yourself because he will just have his own reasons.

                It's hard to lose people but there's a little saying that people come into your life for a reason a, a season or a lifetime. and it could be that you are this guy was meant to only meant to be friends for a certain amount of time, and you never know you might reconnect in the future.

                Is there anyone else at your school that you could try and chat to?

                We're here for you whenever you need us.

                -Remi

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