Sexuality, Dating & Relationships

help i am a little confused

Community Sexuality, Dating & Relationships help i am a little confused

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #21549
    Avatar of paperadventures
    paperadventures
    Participant

    Hey. I have recently been realizing that when I’m walking around I’m checking out the girls and guys (I’m a girl. I get nervous around both guys and girls. I know i like boys, but I’ve developed a crush on one of my female best friends. She identifies as asexual. I haven’t told anyone that i might be bisexual, but I’m a little afraid that I’m just bicurious, and that I’m just making up my crush on this girl. I’ve read all the articles i can get my hands on but i honestly don’t know if i should come out, or if i should wait, just what i should do overall. Please help!!

    #21550
    Avatar of alida22
    alida22
    Participant

    Hey there! I’ve been in a similar situation, but the friend I had a crush on was bi. I would say to come out to a close friend or just someone trusted as bicurious, so that you are not alone while you figure this out. While no one can experience your personal feelings or make that conclusion for you, it helps to have someone you can confess this discovery to without feeling judged or forced to be bi. For example, the first friend I came out to was my pansexual friend. She knew what it was like to be freaked out and doubtful, and helped me through the entire process, including eventually coming out to our friend group. She is now trying to help me come out to my family. Everyone needs that person that you know will care for you throughout all the questions, and will give up their time for research and deep conversations. However, always remember that you are who you are. Never feel forced to be LGBT. Being a straight person who has doubted their sexuality is okay too. Many people don’t acknowledge heterophobia in the queer community. Remember, this is your story, and you are the only one who can write it.

    #21558
    Avatar of monsoon
    Monsoon
    Moderator

    Hey PAPERADVENTURES,

    Thanks for sharing with us on Community so we can support you.

    How are you feeling about this? I know how hard it can be when questioning your sexuality.

    In regard to developing a crush on your friend, do you plan on telling her? It could be good to talk about it so that you are not thinking about it too much.

    I remember not being sure about my sexuality when I was in school, it was horrible and I just wanted to know who I was straight away. However, the thing is, it often takes time to figure out these things about ourselves. I’m 25 now and still learning new stuff regularly! It is important to take tour time to discover your sexuality – society often puts pressure on us to know our identity from an early age, but there really is no rush. Just take time to see how your feelings develop in terms of whoever you are attracted to.

    Here is a help guide which you may find useful:

    Putting the Q Into LGBTQ – 8 Things to Know About Questioning Your Sexuality

    As I said, I would take time to explore the feelings you are having towards girls, and then maybe you can start to think about coming out once you are sure. But also, you could come out by saying that you aren’t sure what your sexuality is. This is also fine and it may help to strengthen your relationships.

    I hope this advice helps and I look forward to hearing back from you.

    Sending positive vibes -Monsoon 🙂

    #21698
    Avatar of paperadventures
    paperadventures
    Participant

    Thanks for helping guys. I told my best friend I’ve known for 7 years 2 days ago that i thought i might be bisexual. She was so supportive and happy for me and she came out to me too and it was really a nice conversation. Anyway I don’t plan on telling my other friend about my crush. I figured it wasn’t important since nothing could ever happen.

    Anyway I read that article and it was really helpful and it gave me the courage to come out to my friend. I’m a little nervous to tell some of my other friends though, and I think I might wait a few months because I don’t really know where they stand with their views on lgbtq+ people anyway. I’m sure some of them are very religious.

    But I’m also wondering if when I do come out to them and they maybe don’t accept that or try to tell me its a phase or something, if I should break our friendship or if I should just accept our differences. Most of us are going to different schools next year anyway, but I know I am still going to see them a lot.

    Sorry for the long reply. There has just been a lot on my mind. Thanks again for helping! 🏳️‍🌈😀

    #21699
    Avatar of monsoon
    Monsoon
    Moderator

    Hey 🙂

    I am happy that you found the advice helpful, and well done for coming out! How are you feeling about everything now?

    Some people may be shocked when you come out to them which can result in them having a bad reaction to the news. However, with such important news, it is important to be patient and give the person time to process it and come around. Also, some people may react badly because their negative views about LGBTQ+ may have been forced upon them by religion and culture, and those opinions may not represent what they actually feel. They may actually want to be accepting, but don’t want to go against their religion. Although it can be upsetting when people you love react badly to you coming out, it is important to give them a chance.

    I hope this advice is helpful and I look forward to hearing back from you.

    Positive vibezzz – Monsoon 🙂

    #21899
    Avatar of paperadventures
    paperadventures
    Participant

    Hi,

    So I understand that some people feel uncomfortable with the lgbtqia community because of their religion and so I have decided to not tell mt religious friends for a long long time.

    Anyway update: My crush just asked my a question a couple of days ago where she was wondering if i didn’t know her and i was guessing her sexuality if she would be straight or not, and i said not because of course thats what i want cause i like her, and then she told me she is still figuring it out. Even though she’s been identifying as ace for a year or two she’s questioning again. I think this was her coming out to me so i told her i was bi. She and I have really bonded in the last few days and I think I like her even more but i don’t know what to say, or if i should even tell her at all. I wasn’t going to tell her before because she said she was ace, but now i think there might be a chance. What should I do?

    #21900
    Avatar of paperadventures
    paperadventures
    Participant

    Also I completely am not forcing the bi on her but i don’t know i feel kind of bad about answering that question because there’s no way of telling someone’s sexuality from what they look like.

    #21916
    Avatar of monsoon
    Monsoon
    Moderator

    Hey PAPERADVENTURES!

    How are you? I understand that you don’t want to tell your religious friends for a very long time. I notice originally you said you wasn’t sure on your sexuality, and now you are discussing coming out. Does this mean that you have decided? If so, that’s great :). If that is the case, here is a help guide you may find useful:

    Top 11 Tips for Coming Out as Lesbian, Gay or Bi

    Also, Community will be here for you if you want anymore advice 🙂

    Going back to the crush you have on your friend, I think it’s very important that you tell her. Life is too short to not be open and honest. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, you will feel better for telling her.

    I hope you find this advice useful, and I look forward to hearing back from you.

    Sending positive vibes -Monsoon 🙂

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