how do you know if ur gay or lesbian or whatever

[bingabongParticipant]

How do you know??

[peach311Participant]

Hey Bingabong,

Really great question. Are you asking out of curiosity or because you are questioning your sexuality?

If you ask around most people in answer to the question how do you know if you are gay, or how do you know you are straight for example? They will say I just do because I am sexually attracted to…. add whatever gender fits that person.

I think what makes it all much harder to figure out is the pressure that comes from living in a heteronormative society. That just means that we are bombarded with messages from anywhere and everywhere that the ‘normal’ sexuality is heterosexuality. 😡

It is slowly changing but generally, we are all assumed straight at birth and because of this damaging assumption there is this period of not knowing and trying to work out what feels right for you. If you are heterosexual everything aligns and you are good to go, no questioning or figuring out needed. This is also why I think heterosexual people can struggle to understand the importance and power of coming out, as their sexuality aligns with what society says is the ‘normal’ one. (even though there is no normal)

If we were magically transported to an equal and fair society this whole process wouldn’t feel so confusing, overwhelming, scary and painful for so many of us.

We have this awesome article with tips on questioning your sexuality if you haven’t read it, it might help:

Putting the Q Into LGBTQ – 8 Things to Know About Questioning Your Sexuality

Ultimately you are the one that chooses what feels right for you and your sexuality. I am a firm believer in staying open and curious about the whole process. In my experience, things get tricky and painful when we deny, hide or live in shame of our sexuality.

Hope this helps, would love to hear what you think about how you figure it out?

Sending positivity and support.
-Peach311

[spacemonkeyParticipant]

I just found out by realizing I had a crush on a girl. Then, once I realized I was Bisexual, found myself having more crushes on girls. I’m still confused, but I’m only 12, so I’ve got a long way to go!

[louise19Participant]

Hey Spacemonkey,

I love your honesty. For me its all about going with what feels right for me and letting go of mine and others judgement.

[skeletoncliqueParticipant]

Hi. To maybe help you understand, I’ll tell my story. So first, I got a gf. Pretty good, but then I felt ‘different’ do I looked into it further and realised I was bi. But now, I identify as gay. This brings hardships like coming out and breaking up with my gf. Hope this helps!

Skeletonclique. 👋

[peach311Participant]

Hey Skeletonclique,

Thanks for sharing your story.

I love that even though it can be a bit of a journey and not always easy it is nobody else’s decision but our own as to how we identify.

🌈🌟

-Peach311

[anonymous27Participant]

I’ve always thought of myself as straight but now I’m not sure. I was out in public with my family when I saw a cute guy. My stomach flipped, I daydreamed, ya know, the usual. But then I saw a cute girl. And I did the exact same thing. I didn’t mean to, it just happened. Now I’ve been finding myself thinking about what it would be like to date another girl. Am I bi? Or just curious? Should I tell someone if even I’m not sure what my sexuality is anymore?

[peach311Participant]

Hey

Thanks for your post. Have you read the blog that I mentioned above it has some helpful tips for questioning your sexuality, worth a read if you haven’t.

Putting the Q Into LGBTQ – 8 Things to Know About Questioning Your Sexuality

Firstly what’s awesome is how open and honest you are about what you felt. Things get much tricker and more painful when we hide or deny feelings that are coming up.

Talking about how your feeling is always a good idea. I would make sure though that you choose someone you trust and ideally someone who has had their own experiences with questioning their sexuality. The main reason I say this is because sometimes people who are heterosexual with the best intentions in the world don’t quite get it. You need space to talk about how your feeling, not defend or over explain feelings that you are trying to figure out yourself, hope that makes sense?

The other thing that can make a difference is to do some research yourself. There are some amazing blogs about bisexuality and see if you get any identification.

The biggest thing to know is that millions of people have to figure out what sexuality feels right for them and even though the assumption is that this is very easy and we all should just know a lot of us don’t and it is a process.

Sending positivity and support
-Peach311

[HarperKeymaster]

Great question and some fantastic answers on this thread. From my own personal experiences, it was something that I gradually became to understand and realise over a through years. It started with occasional attraction towards other guys at school, until it eventually felt like I was only attracted to guys. It can take time, so don’t rush the process – just remember that it is normal and okay. Please don’t ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.

– Harper

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