Sexuality, Dating & Relationships

I love someone but they don't know I'm trans.

Community Sexuality, Dating & Relationships I love someone but they don't know I'm trans.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
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  • #18089
    Avatar of andythepotato
    andythepotato
    Participant

    I’m a closeted trans guy and I’ve fallen in love with a guy but they know me as a girl. Every day we seem to be getting closer and closer and I know I’ll have to come out to him eventually but I’m scared that he won’t like me anymore and everything we have will be lost. I’ve been left too much before, I’m worried I won’t be able to handle another rejection. What should I do? I want to tell him but I don’t know how to tell him and when’s the best time.

    #18119
    Avatar of peach311
    peach311
    Participant

    Hey Andy,

    Thank you for your post and honesty with where you are at.

    What does your gut say you should do? Also be helpful to know a bit more about your situation if you are happy to give a bit more background on you.

    Well done for reaching out, this stuff is not easy and even harder when we feel alone with it. You are not alone and we can definitely help.

    -Peach311 🌈

    #18287
    Avatar of andythepotato
    andythepotato
    Participant

    I’m a teenage guy, still at school but i haven’t come out to anyone but my family and close friends. There’s this guy i really like, we have loads in common and we talk all the time. I’m worried that because we’re getting closer, he might ask me out but i would feel like i was lying to him if i didn’t come out to him but I’m scared that it’ll make him change his mind and things will get really awkward.

    #18298
    Avatar of peach311
    peach311
    Participant

    Hey

    Thanks for your honesty and I understand why you are nervous and not quite sure what to do. The thing that jumped out at me the most was wanting the first person you come out to, to be a safe person you trust and love and for it to be a crush it might leave you feeling very exposed. But I also totally get you not wanting to be dishonest if it does go further.

    Are you feeling ready to come out to friends and family? Basically, I want to make sure you have the most amount of support possible around you to navigate this situation. One organisation that is amazing is http://www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/transgender-youth-forum.html and they also have a forum where you can talk it through with other trans people.

    Sending support and positivity
    -Peach311

    #18463
    Avatar of louise19
    louise19
    Participant

    Hey Andy,

    Hope you are doing ok, just wanted to say that I admire your courage and want you to know that I am on your side and rooting for you and you are not alone.

    Louise

    #19659
    Avatar of andythepotato
    andythepotato
    Participant

    Thanks for the support, i came out to him and he says he loves and accepts me for who i am, the problem is we don’t know what to do now as he is afraid to be called gay, because that’s what he’d be if he dated me, he is conflicted and confused and i don’t know how to help him, i don’t want to make him feel like he has to choose to be with me.

    #19661
    Avatar of marcus16
    marcus16
    Participant

    Hey Andy,

    I’m happy that he accepts and loves you for who you are. Everyone needs that kind of love.

    For your situation, it seems like he might be afraid of what other people think of him. I would say that you guys should date each other without people knowing that you guys are dating. At school, you guys act like you normally would do, but maybe outside you guys can do what you want to do and date.

    This would give you guys time to be together and time for him to decide if he would be okay with others knowing about you two being together.

    #20254
    Avatar of noahthenoob
    noahthenoob
    Participant

    If he can’t accept that you’re trans, screw him!

    #21263
    Avatar of andythepotato
    andythepotato
    Participant

    Thanks for your help, we talked about things and he’s decided that he doesn’t like me the same way anymore so we’re just gonna stay as friends now.

    #21270
    Avatar of monsoon
    Monsoon
    Moderator

    Hey ANDY,

    I’m sorry to hear this. I think it’s great that you talked about it – it takes a lot of courage and you should be proud of yourself. It is also great that you can still be friends with this person as you think a lot of them.

    How is everything else? I just thought I would ask as you may be upset over this.

    Sending positive vibes – Monsoon πŸ™‚

    #21366
    Avatar of andythepotato
    andythepotato
    Participant

    Things are a bit confusing right now and I’m not sure how to feel, it just feels like I’ve been here before too many times and I’m begging to give up on hopes for future relationships as it will be hard to find anyone that is ok with the situation.

    #21420
    Avatar of monsoon
    Monsoon
    Moderator

    Hey ANDY,

    Thanks for you reply. I can imagine it is difficult what you are going through.

    I think it is important to not give up hope for a future relationship – you will find that right person, probably when you are least expecting it. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be this time round. Also, when you meet the right person, they will be completely ok with your situation. It is important to be patient with these kinds of things πŸ™‚

    I hope you are alright!

    -Monsoon πŸ™‚

    #21955
    Avatar of andythepotato
    andythepotato
    Participant

    Thanks for your support, recently things seem to have changed with this guy, he seems to have suddenly decided that he likes me again, we act close and he’s really supportive but sometimes he can switch completely and blank me, i don’t know how he feels about me and he keeps giving me mixed signals, i think he likes another girl but then again he keeps showing affection towards me and saying he loves me.

    #21957
    Avatar of monsoon
    Monsoon
    Moderator

    Hey Andy,

    Thanks for replying – it’s great to hear from you.

    I’m sorry that you are getting mixed signals from the guy you like – how are you feeling about this?

    Do you think it could be a good idea to speak to him and tell him how you feel? He might not realising what he is doing, and by communicating your feelings, this could help to resolve the situation. You will probably feel better after talking to him as well.

    Hang in there – I look forward to hearing back from you.

    -Monsoon πŸ™‚

    #21993
    Avatar of andythepotato
    andythepotato
    Participant

    I’ll probably talk to him tomorrow and just see what happens, he’s just not very good at talking about his feelings honestly in person so we might have to resort to texting

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