Friends and Family

MY MOM

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 35 total)
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  • #20398
    Avatar of cutebadass
    cutebadass
    Participant

    My therapist and i told my mom about anxiety which then caused depression, but it didnt really come through to her as a concern. The next few weeks were the same as normal…no changes.
    But then my depression got worse, and i think i have insomnia (i did a few insomnia tests online), I told my mom that she wasnt taking my depression seriously and that i need support.
    She said, “Everyone’s been through this. There’s a difference between feeling depressed and actually BEING depressed. When last did you have your period? It’s probably PMS. Or just teenage hormones. You just FEEL depressed.”

    But this is NOT the case!! My therapist did actual professional tests that proved that i have depression and anxiety, I have been bullied, but i havent told anyone – im too scared to. Ive been depressed for nearly a year. I tried telling my mom this, but NOTHING WORKS!!!
    I really need help and support from my mom but for that she needs to believe me.
    Our relationship is getting really bad and all she thinks is that its TV, social media, and my friend circle. NOT THE CASE!!!

    What can i do??? (sorry for the long mixed rant that u had to read)

    cutebadass

    #20409
    Avatar of harper
    Harper
    Moderator

    Hey cutebadass,
    Thank you for your question and for sharing part of your journey with mental health so far. I just wanted to take the time to say that I think it’s important for us all to talk about mental health, because we all have it, so thank you for talking about some of the struggles you are having.

    What do you think mom could do to make you believe that she is taking your depression seriously? What kind of things do you think your mom could do to better support you and how do you think it would help you?

    Do you currently have a treatment plan for your depression and anxiety? I want to make sure that you have the appropriate support to navigate through these challenges independently of your mom.

    If you are ready to and comfortable talking about the bullying aspect, we can help you with that too. Just to save us from getting confused, could I suggest you start an additional thread to tell us more about the bullying so that we can help you navigate some of those issues? That means we can then use this thread to focus on your mental health and mom.

    I know things feel difficult and overwhelming at the moment, but this won’t last forever and we will do our very best to help you. Please don’t feel alone, because you’re not.

    – Harper

    #20410
    Avatar of cutebadass
    cutebadass
    Participant

    Thank you so much.
    My mom said no pills, so right now, my therapist is just teaching me techniques to handle my panic attacks, and sleeping (the sleeping bit isn’t working).
    I just needed to get a tiny bit off my chest. Sorry for taking time.

    #20414
    Avatar of harper
    Harper
    Moderator

    You aren’t taking up time at all, I’m here to support you and help you through this. I’m interested that your mom would prefer you not to take pills, is this something that she is typically wary of?

    What kind of things have you tried to help you sleep? I’ve had insomnia myself in the past and I may be able to give you some other things to try.

    Harper πŸ™‚

    #20416
    Avatar of cutebadass
    cutebadass
    Participant

    She doesnt want me to take pills bc shes scared i become addicted.
    I tried taking resues (theyre pills u suck – are they in your country??). I tried doing a body scan (thinking – what does my whatever feel like, what colour is it). I tried stressing then relaxing my muscles. I tried some stetches. Nothing works.
    I tried to stop self harming when i cant sleep but its just so relaxing. Fight pain with pain.
    Then I read an article on Ditch The Label about safer ways to self harm and last night i tried the elastic thing and its OK…
    Thank u

    #20420
    Avatar of harper
    Harper
    Moderator

    Hi cutebadass,
    With regards to the self harm, I just want to check to make sure that you are okay – do you currently need medical attention? I’m really glad the safer alternatives have given you some new things to try. Do you think you will start to use the safer alternatives more than how you previously self harmed?

    Is your therapist currently helping you navigate through these issues or would you like me to find somewhere where you could get additional mental health support?

    With regards to sleep, we do have a useful guide on some other things you could try, I’ve pasted the link below. From my own experiences with insomnia; you may also want to check in with your doctor to see if any medication or supplements you may be taking is having an impact. I also find that worrying about not being able to sleep can become a vicious cycle, do you? So what I usually do is stop counting down the hours until the morning and I’ll usually put a nature documentary on my laptop or something to take my mind off it. Usually this helps me sleep.

    There’s no one-size-fits all approach to tackling insomnia, it’s about trying different things to see what works well for you.

    The Sleep Guide: For Better Quality Sleep

    With mom, I can understand why you feel like she isn’t being supportive. Usually from what I hear of the experiences of others, treatment plans for depression do consist of therapy and sometimes medication. I can also understand her worrying, and see how much she cares about you and your health. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t try to persuade you from not taking the medication.

    Can I suggest that you speak frankly with your doctor about the issue of mom not being happy with you taking medications and to explore your options with them? There may be an alternative, or a conversation for all 3 of you to have together to better understand and address her concerns.

    Is this helpful?

    – Harper πŸ™‚

    #20421
    Avatar of harper
    Harper
    Moderator

    Oh also, I forgot to mention that listening to peaceful music and playlists before bed can help you wind down. If you also have things on your mind, writing them down before you sleep can also be helpful. From my experiences anyway.

    Harper

    #20424
    Avatar of cutebadass
    cutebadass
    Participant

    The self harming is ok-ish. I havent told my therapist about that bc she has policies to tell someone if im harming myself.

    I share a room with my sister so it is pretty hard to be on my laptop at night…
    Ill try some of the sleep tips tonight.

    Right now, im on school holiday, so i can only see my therapist in 2 and a half weeks. I told one of my best friends all this but i feel as if im bothering her with all my sh**…

    Thank you for the advice

    #20426
    Avatar of cutebadass
    cutebadass
    Participant

    Oh and on the sleeping bit,, i have a journal where i write EVERY thought down if im overthinking stuff, but my sister is getting suspicious and she wont let me use her light.

    Im not allowed to download my own songs or be on my phone past 8, even though music helps me ALOT when im feeling crappy.

    #20427
    Avatar of cutebadass
    cutebadass
    Participant

    Also thank you. Its helpful talking to someone with insomnia.
    Is there a way i could talk to a professional but digitally?? Im also in incognito mode on Google bc i have a bit of a rebel reputation with my parents ill be in a lot of trouble if they find out, but i need to also talk to someone else that cant see my facial expressions, or has access to my teacher or mom. Know anyone?

    #20428
    Avatar of harper
    Harper
    Moderator

    I can understand why you haven’t told her. The only time in which she will ever have to tell anybody is if you or somebody else is in immediate risk of danger. It’s the exact same policy that we have at Ditch the Label and every other support service. Based on what you have told me, I have no reason to believe that you are in immediate risk, so it may be worth you asking her to give you examples of scenarios which would force her to break confidentiality.

    I understand it is difficult watching something on your laptop because you don’t want to interrupt your sister. Do you have a smartphone? If so, what brand is it? I know some really great podcasts that can help you with sleep. They are super boring, which is the whole point, and a lot of people have great experiences.

    There is also an app called Headspace and they have guided meditations that help with sleep. There’s a sleep one that lasts for 10 minutes and I think I managed to listen to 6 minutes of it. If you’d like, I can give you a code for a free 12-month subscription? I know a lot of people with insomnia benefit from it. You can listen with headphones so as to not disturb her. Do you think that would be an option right now?

    Would you like me to find a local mental health support organization for you? If so, could you let me know your country and state/region so that I can find something local please?

    It’s great that you are opening up about these issues. I can imagine just talking about them can be helpful. How do you feel?

    Harper πŸ™‚

    #20430
    Avatar of cutebadass
    cutebadass
    Participant

    OK ill ask her thank u. I do have a phone – iPhone 5, but im getting 5s on my birthday which is on Friday this week.
    I would have to ask my dad about Headspace but ill try thank you. The code would be helpful πŸ™‚
    As i said, it might not even help because im not allowed my phone past 8, it has to be put in my parents room.
    I live in Gauteng in South Africa.
    I feel meh.

    #20436
    Avatar of cutebadass
    cutebadass
    Participant

    ALSO no YouTube, and no gym (both my parents think its just “rich bitch social influence and peer pressure) so i cant properly work out or listen to my style of music

    #20437
    Avatar of harper
    Harper
    Moderator

    Okay, great. Why don’t we try this –

    Ask if you can speak with your parents and tell them that you have been having issues sleeping. Let them know, if you feel comfortable doing so, that you’ve found advice and an app for guided meditations. Ask if they would consider allowing you to give it a go for a period of 1 week to see if it helps you get some sleep.

    I imagine, like most parents, they will be worried about you using your phone late at night and that it could distract you, so find out their concerns and see if there is a way in which you can compromise. Perhaps promising not to use the phone for messaging/browsing etc. may help. What do you think they will say to that? If mom and dad say it’s okay, I can send you a code for the Headspace app so that you can give it a try.

    I have found a directory for specialist mental health support charities in South Africa that you may find useful. I can’t endorse the website because we are not active partners, but it does look informative and may have some useful contacts that are local to you.

    Here’s the URL; http://www.safmh.org.za/index.php/get-help/mental-health-services-map
    There are also helplines listed here: http://www.safmh.org.za/index.php/get-help/helplines

    If you’re worried about mom/dad seeing it, you may want to browse using private/incognito mode. Let me know if you need help doing this!

    Things will get better. This is temporary and I’m here to make sure you’re getting the right support, so never hesitate to message me.

    Harper πŸ™‚

    #20438
    Avatar of cutebadass
    cutebadass
    Participant

    My dad works with IT stuff so my mom told me he knows how to look through incognito history – which i dont really believe, but still not really risking it.
    Ill ask them, even though it usually ends in disaster, but ill even do a PLEDGE because mental health is really important.
    But how can i do it knowing for SURE the wont find it????
    Thank you

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