March 3, 2018 at 4:37 pm #19379
and it didn’t go very well.
First of all, it was school picture day. My friend doesn’t like wearing his uniform, and sometimes he doesn’t, so he came in a t-shirt and hiking boots. Then it turned out I was wearing the wrong shirt (I was wearing a blue polo with the school crest and it was supposed to be a white button-down), so then the vice principal tried to get me to wear the white shirt. I know: When the vice principal tells you to do something, you do it. But my school is so small and it’s such a tiny, close-knit, community, so things are a bit different. I am inconveniently stubborn, so I didn’t want to put on the shirt because I found it to be a petty problem. Now, my friend was getting our green screen ready for the dance, and it was a bit creased so my teacher brought in his iron. I volunteered to make sure we had a fire extinguisher, and he said something along the lines of, “While you’re at it, go upstairs (we’re in the basement) and put on the shirt.” And this kid in my class, who’s about a year younger than me (he’s in grade six) literally said, “I’ll give you fifty dollars if you put it on here.”
What. The. Frick.
So the teacher chewed him out for that and my friend started ironing the green screen. Except it was the wrong material, and he BURNT A HOLE THROUGH IT.
Then it was time to take the class pictures, but I didn’t really like the photographer. He was 60-some-odd years old, wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt, and was calling everyone ‘Gorgeous’ or ‘Handsome’ or ‘Sweetie.’ I absolutely detest being called ‘Sweetie.’ After we did the class photo (which I’m probably not smiling in) I pretended I’d already done the personal photo because the guy made me uncomfortable and had everyone posing really cringily (is cringily a word? It should be). But the teacher caught me, so I made a break for it. I will not be receiving a personal photo this year.
Later, we had the dance. It wasn’t a very enjoyable affair. The music was incredibly loud and wasn’t even any one intelligible song, just an awful mix of Havana and Despacito and, oddly enough, Michael Jackson. The pulsing noise made my head hurt and was impossible to dance to. The best part of my night, weirdly, was meeting the sister of the kid who made that very inappropriate comment. She agreed that he had no right to do that, except the way she said it was probably to explicit to post here but it had me laughing hysterically. Except the worst is yet to come. The same kid came up to me and asked me if I wanted to dance. Right, of course I want to dance with a sexist jerk. Mind you, while playing Dungeons and Dragons, this kid listed his character’s interests as ‘Nude Girls.’ Needless to say, I told him no, then went to find out who dared him. I’m like 80% sure it was this kid named Erik, so there goes anything that ever made me think he was okay. Between the pulsing music and lame DJ and everything else, I basically couldn’t handle it anymore and I got out of the gym as quickly as possible.
Lately I feel like I’ve been going crazy. I’m bi but only out to three people (not my family) and sometimes I feel like I’m two different people. I’ve become mildly obsessed with working on a new book and it feels like everything is crashing down around me. I spent the last 15 minutes of the dance sitting in my empty classroom, listening to ‘Same Love’ and ‘Ordinary Day’ and trying not to cry. When I got home, I went to my room, spent an unearthly amount on iTunes songs, and then playing the crisis playlist I drew up with the school therapist the other day. Yup, I’m literally self-medicating with Macklemore and Great Big Sea and K’naan. But I’ve written so much that nobody really wants to read it, so I’ll stop now. And that is the story of the terrible, horrible, no-good very bad school dance.
Maybe next year I’ll just take a girl right off the bat. Oh, wait. Everyone else in my school is straight. Ugh. Grade seven is surprisingly hard.March 5, 2018 at 11:34 am #19386
I love your honesty and thank you for sharing it all here. Reading your post took me back to my school dances which most of, if not all did suck a bit.
You are not alone I categorically promise you. I do get it though being Bi in a very very heterosexual environment adds a lot of its own pressures and can feel uncomfortable.
You are doing the right thing by sharing everything here, when I feel overwhelmed/crazy it never fails to help me to write it all down. Crisis playlist is an awesome idea too. 👍🏼
Are you starting to feel like you might be ready to tell your family?
-Peach311March 6, 2018 at 2:35 pm #19454
OMG I love your honesty and wanted to send you a virtual hug. Feeling a bit crazy is the worst and I so get it about being Bi and alone.
Have you come out to any family yet?
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)