Pretty much everyone in human history has liked someone who didn’t like them back. It’s the premise of every rom-com, loads of songs, even Shakespeare wrote about it. Even so, we know it can make you feel totally crap, and it can make you spiral. That’s why we put together this list of the 7 most important things you need to remember when this happens. We know it feels rubbish now, but you got dis. Don’t worry.
1) It’s not personal
It might feel like it, but if they have told you they don’t like you that way, it is almost definitely not personal. After all, attraction is a chemical reaction. No one can control it; and it happens with whoever it happens with, regardless of how they look, or behave or what they say or the jokes they tell. Just because this time it wasn’t with you, it doesn’t mean that you are “unattractive”. It just means that this time, you guys wouldn’t be good together. And that’s OK.
2) It’s not because of the way you look
Seriously. We know this is above, but we cannot say this enough. You are who you are, and you should be proud of that. Not only that, but someone will come along who finds that incredibly hot, and that’s pretty amazing. Changing the way you look, dress or act is never going to work because it’s not who you are, and who you are is pretty f**king awesome.
3) It doesn’t mean they are mean
It can be mad tempting to jump into a tirade of hate against someone who has rejected us. The thing is though, this isn’t always very fair. It’s not their fault that they don’t feel that way about you, in the same way it’s not your fault that you like them. Get your squad together so you have some people who lift you up, and try not to be too negative about it. You got dis.
4) You have to respect their decision
So yeah, we also got super hopped up on rom-coms a few years ago. But holding a boombox outside someone’s window, leaving presents outside their house, or turning up where they usually hang out is not going to get them to change their mind. Rom-coms made us think it was all so romantic, but actually it’s just pretty creepy. Respect what they’ve said, and move on. For help moving on from someone, take a look at this list of things you can do.
5) It doesn’t mean you can’t still hang out
It might seem a bit like you can never spend time with them again, especially if they know you like them and they don’t feel the same way. But, there is no rule that says you guys can’t still hang out, have a good time and do all the stuff you usually do. As long as you think you can deal with it, and they feel comfortable, then get back to making nachos with ridiculous toppings on, watching trash TV or whatever it is that you usually do.
6) It doesn’t mean you lose all your mutual friends too
In the same way you guys can still be friends, what has gone down doesn’t mean in any way that you will lose your mutual friends. They are as much a part of your life as they are for the other person, and probably just want the best for the both of you. Try having a chat with one or two of them if they know the situation and see if they are OK with the whole deal.
7) There will be someone else down the line
At the moment, it might really feel like you will never like anyone else ever again. How could you, when all you do is think about them, check your phone for their messages and scroll your story views for their name? But trust us, as much as you were fine before they came along, you will be OK. In a week, a month, maybe a year, someone else will turn up in your life who makes you feel all the same things as this person does, and maybe this time, everything will work out.
Need to talk to someone about your relationship? Feel lonely? You can speak to one of our trained mentors here, for confidential support.
Are They Really Your Friend? 15 Signs That Suggest Otherwise