Let’s destroy the stigma that comes with the word “bullied.” It can happen to anyone, by anyone, anywhere – for any reason. Bullying can be faceless and consequently, you may or may not know you are being bullied.
For this reason, being bullied by someone you consider a friend can be a real blind spot for most of us; it’s harder to detect, subtle in nature and can take a while to get our attention. After all, they’re a friend – right?
Here’s what you can do if you’re being bullied by a friend.
Don’t laugh it off.
Nobody wants to be that friend that can’t take a joke so part of the problem is we laugh along with them when a joke is made at our expense as a way of diffusing the awkwardness and tension. But the major downside is your laughter will give the impression that you’re cool with the mean jokes. You are 100% allowed to not find something funny and tell your friend. The reason it feels hard is we can’t control other people’s reactions so the fear lies behind not knowing how they will react.
We need to talk.
Try being honest with your friend and let them know how they have made you feel. Make sure you have the conversation somewhere private where you won’t be interrupted.
The best advice is to be direct, keep it short and stick with how it makes you feel instead of blaming them. If they are genuinely apologetic they will make an effort to tone it down. If not, it is likely they will get defensive and deny doing anything to hurt your feelings. Whatever the outcome, what matters is you have said something and taken action.
Stand up for yourself.
Easier said than done when it comes to our friends being the ones that are giving you a hard time. But the bottom line is that this will not be the last time you have to stand up for yourself and so you might as well start getting good at it now. One of the best things I ever did was learning how to speak up when it matters, its nobody else’s responsibility to say what’s not okay for you, but your own.
Know when to walk away.
This is rarely an easy call to make especially with old friends or if we have put all our eggs in one basket. Think twice about friendships where you feel criticized, ignored, gossiped about, judged, manipulated, made fun of or left out.
It’s not me it’s you.
It can be a scary prospect standing up for yourself or walking away from somebody who you considered a friend but your esteem and integrity are much more important than trying to keep somebody happy who doesn’t give a damn about you. If you’re unsure if they really are your friend have a read of this article.
Don’t ignore your feelings.
Don’t ignore your feelings when someone makes you feel bad about yourself. Do you have any friends that after spending time together you feel worse than you did before? Do you feel nervous around them because you don’t know what they are going to say or do? Bullying affects our overall happiness and confidence. So we must check in with ourselves and not ignore our emotions. The worse the bullying gets – the worse we begin to feel. A friend makes you feel happy, liked, appreciated and confident.
If you are being bullied, you do not need to go through it alone. If you ever need help, Ditch the Label are here for you. You can join our community here.
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Does it feel like your parents are picking on you? Maybe their treatment of you is making you feel less confident?
Is it bullying?
The very fact that you’ve sought out this article to get some advice on your parents bullying you says that it could be bullying and you’re definitely not overreacting.
Emotional and mental bullying by parents is not uncommon and can take many forms.
Constantly commenting on your weight or appearance.
Emotionally blackmailing you into doing something or behaving a certain way
Repeatedly using demeaning or unkind language towards you
Telling you that you’re unwanted or useless
Saying that they don’t love you
Belittling you or humiliating you
These are all forms of emotional and verbal bullying, and many of them are also classed as abuse. You do not deserve this or have to put up with it, and you are not alone.
What can you do?
We are powerless over other people’s behaviour. Chances are, you won’t be able to make it stop. What you can do is cope with it in ways that minimise the impact of the abuse and protect your emotional wellbeing.
Here are a few things you can try:
Safe spaces – Establish a place that you can go to get away from it all. Whether that’s your bedroom, the garden, or a friend or relative’s house. It needs to be somewhere that is safe.
Try not to be manipulated – Parents who are bullying can sometimes make you feel like a burden. It is important to understand that you do not owe them anything. Try to gain some independence and in doing so, you empower yourself.
Strengthen other relationships – If you have a good relationship with another family members such as a sibling, aunt/uncle, or another parent then you should work on strengthening that relationship and building up a healthy level of trust. It doesn’t have to be family either; friends, neighbours and colleagues are good too.
In the heat of the moment, don’t engage – When it turns in to a heated argument and voices are raised, don’t respond. In doing so you completely disarm them. Simply remove yourself from the situation and seek out your safe space.
Understand that it won’t last forever – Soon enough, you’ll be able to move out, go to college/uni, begin full-time work and become fully independent. Hold on to that thought and put your all into your education and interests.
Note that you are not your parent’s problems – What we mean by this is that you should try not to let your parent’s problems affect your own life. It’s easy for us to be affected by things that happen in our home life, but remember that your parents don’t define your personality, you are your own person.
Seek out other support networks – family is often considered to be one of our main support networks but sometimes that just isn’t the case. There are so many other support networks out there full of people who truly care and want to help.
Speak to someone at school – Believe it or not, one of the amazing things about school and college, (aside from getting to hang with your BFFs every day) that many people don’t know is that there are trained professionals on hand to help you at any time, for free. They don’t necessarily have to be a teacher. You can talk to the person who works in the medical room, or reception, or head of the year’s office or a school counsellor.
Talk it out:
First things first is to understand that you are not the reason that this is happening. Sure, the bullying from your parents may feel pretty personal when it happens, but understand that the problem always lies with them, not you. It is never your fault.
No matter how lonely you might feel right now, understand that you are not alone. This is, unfortunately, something that loads of people have been through and go through every day.
The best thing you can do is talk to someone about it. Tell someone who is a trusted adult or even a friend who is your own age. Whether it’s a teacher, another family member, a sports coach, a care worker or a mate. People need to know what you’re up against and you’ll feel better expressing it to somebody else.
Finally, understand that we understand. We’re here for you no matter what is happening.
At Ditch the Label, we have digital mentors who can help you get through your problems. All you need to do is join the community to get advice. What’s more, is that you can also use this safe space to speak to other people who may have been through the same thing.
If you are in physical danger, or experiencing physical abuse or bullying at home it is really important that you speak to a trusted adult about it. You can reach out to any of the organisations above or talk to Ditch the Label, you are not alone ❤️
If you would prefer the easy to read version please click here.
Cyberbullying comes in a whole range of different shapes and sizes and is something that is totally subjective to the person being cyberbullied.
From our research on cyberbullying, we found that up to 7 in 10 young people experience cyberbullying before the age of 18.
Ditch the Label defines cyberbullying as the following:
Cyberbullying is the use of digital technologies with an intent to offend, humiliate, threaten, harass or abuse somebody.
– Ditch the Label
We all spend a ridiculous amount of time online. With the internet in your pocket, in school, at work and at home, it is impossible to escape it. That’s why being bullied online can be absolutely rubbish, and can make it feel impossible to live your life. We have put together this so you can understand everything you need to know about cyberbullying and where you can get help if you need it.
What are the different types of cyberbullying?
Examples of cyberbullying include:
Nasty messages online or on your mobile phone
Comments or replies on your social media posts or posts about you
Being excluded from online group chats on purpose
Embarrassing or harmful photos being put online without your permission
Sending offensive pictures through a messaging app
Rumours and lies about you on a website, messaging app or social media platform
Offensive chat or voice communication on an online game
Fake online profiles being created with an intent to defame you
37% 13 – 25-year-olds have sent a naked photo of themselves (63% to a boyfriend/girlfriend and 32% to someone they are attracted to)
30% of 15 yr olds have sent a naked photo of themselves at least once
15% of 13 & 14 yr olds have sent a naked photo of themselves at least once
5% of 13-year-olds send naked photos several times a week.
24% have sent a naked photo to someone they know only online.
24% have had a naked photo shared without their consent.
49% believe is just harmless fun.
16% said it’s the normal thing to do.
13% felt pressurised into doing it.
Females are twice as likely to send a naked photo of themselves more than once a week than men.
62% have been sent nasty private messages via smartphone apps
52% have never reported the abuse they have received.
47% have received nasty profile comments
40% have received nasty photo comments.
42% have received hate-based comments (racism, homophobia etc.)
28% have had personal information shared without consent.
52% have never reported abuse on smartphone apps
26% felt like it wasn’t taken seriously when reported
49% experienced a loss in confidence as a result of the bullying
28% retaliated and sent something abusive back
24% turned to self-harm as a coping mechanism
22% tried to change their appearance to avoid further abuse
13% stopped using the app
What Does The Law Say?
As cyberbullying is a relatively new phenomenon, the UK courts are still trying to catch up with it and sentence offenders effectively. Though no laws specifically apply to cyberbullying alone, there are several laws which can be applied in cyberbullying cases:
Protection from Harassment Act 1997
Criminal Justice and Public Order Act 1994
Malicious Communications Act 1988
Communications Act 2003
Breach of the Peace (Scotland)
Defamation Act 2013
In 2012 The Crown Prosecution Service published guidelines on how cyberbullying cases would be assessed against current laws, which you can find here.
On January 1st 2014, the Defamation Act 2013 came into order and can be read here.
Cyber Bullying Prosecutions
Cyberbullying cases can often go unreported by victims for fear of what people may say, and indeed this was an issue faced by Nicola Brookes, who was remorselessly cyberbullied after posting a message of support on Frankie Cocozza’s Facebook page. After taking evidence to the Police with no success, she took her case to the High Court and won a battle with Facebook to have her bullies’ names revealed. You can read more about the story here. The case was a landmark battle, as for the first time it meant a website had to release members’ details, opening them up for prosecution.
Trolls are increasingly being taken to court and if found guilty, given fines and facing jail terms. Two people who sent abusive messages towards Caroline Criado-Perez were jailed for 8 weeks and 12 weeks and were ordered to pay £800 in fines.
A website owner will generally be responsible for content posted on the website, meaning that if a defamatory comment (or series of comments) exists on a website, the site’s owner can be taken to court – this is how Nicola Brookes was able to get information about her trolls from Facebook. Alternatively, it may be possible to take the troll themselves to court, as has been seen in the case of Caroline Criado-Perez. As with any court case, the evidence is essential and it’s important to catalogue any abuse you may receive. KnowtheNet has produced a helpful infographic on how to interact on the internet, and you can see it here.
On a different note, after boxer Curtis Woodhouse had been trolled by the same account on Twitter for months, he put a bounty on the address of his assailant and visited the troll’s house to solicit an apology from him. Though this isn’t advised, it’s a good example of how cowardly bullies are when the tables are turned.
Reporting Cyberbullying on Facebook
How to report and remove a post – On the post that you want to report/remove, click on the arrow icon in the top right hand side and select I don’t like this post. – When the window pops open just click the appropriate reason for removing the post. – Then you are given the options on how to proceed. You are given plenty of options to choose from. – Once you have gone through this short process, you will have several options on how to proceed including blocking the person who made the original post and making a complaint to Facebook.
Blocking a User – You can still block users by going to their Facebook page. Once on their profile page go to the top right corner and click on the button to the right of the messages button. – You now have the option to report or block them.
Dealing with Abusive Messages – If you are using the chatbox then click on the options logo in the right corner followed by Report as Spam or Abuse… – If you are in your inbox, select the message that you want to get rid of or report from the left-hand column by clicking on it. – Click on Actions at the top of your screen and select Report as Spam or Abuse… – Three options will appear so just click on the one that is appropriate.
Reporting Cyberbullying on Twitter
Blocking a user through a Tweet – On the tweet that you want to block, click on the more (…) icon at the bottom of the Tweet and click Block.
Blocking a user through a profile – Go to the profile page of the user you want to block. – Click on the options icon next to the follow button and select block. – You can also report users by completing these same steps.
Reporting Cyberbullying on Instagram
Reporting Content or a User – Click on the options arrow either on a post or the users profile and click report.
Getting Further Support
Whether you’re being cyberbullied yourself or know somebody that is, help is at hand. Visit our help section for more information or join the Ditch the Label community today.
If you want to learn more about bullying-related trends, behaviours and attitudes across the past six years. We’ve got loads of research for you to read!
Bullying is something that 1 in 2 people under 25 will experience in their lifetime.
There is no singular definition of bullying because it comes in all shapes, sizes and subtleties. Despite the varied nature of bullying, here are a few things you should know that will help you identify it, and hopefully understand it a little better.
No one is born a bully – true story. Bullying is a learnt behaviour and not an innate characteristic of anyone. According to Ditch the Label research, there are lots of reasons why people bully and these are explored further in Why People Bully, The Scientific Reasons.
The dictionary definition of bullying is “the use of strength or power to frighten or hurt weaker people.” This is not a very nice definition if you ask us and completely inaccurate. First things first, being bullied does not mean that you are weak.
What’s more, this definition doesn’t account for many facets of bullying such as online abuse, subtle bullying within friendships such as manipulation, intimidation and social exclusion, as well as indirect bullying such as the spreading of harmful rumours, be it online or elsewhere.
Persistence is key
Another important thing to note is that for something to qualify as bullying – it is persistent. A one-off comment made about your appearance is hurtful and horrible to have to go through but a common factor of bullying is that it is a regular and persistent occurrence that takes place over time.
Are you in denial?
“I’m probably overreacting?” “I’m just being over-sensitive” “It will probably stop soon”
Sound familiar? Well, these are all things we tell ourselves when we are in denial. We somehow coast through life thinking, “yeah bullying sucks but it can’t happen to me…” then it does and it hurts, so we ignore it or pretend that it’s nothing.
Denial is a trick to make us think that everything is fine, even when it’s not. The first step to overcoming bullying is to acknowledge the fact that you are being bullied. This can sometimes be the hardest part: no one wants to admit that their ‘friends’ are bullying them.
How bullying makes you feel
The best way to determine whether you are being bullied is to analyse how it makes you feel and if it makes you feel low, unhappy, worried, frightened or stressed on a regular basis. Take the Ditch the Label quiz if you’re still unsure about whether or not you’re being bullied:
I’m being bullied – what should I do?
The most important thing you can do when being bullied to protect yourself is to talk about it.
Start by joining the Ditch the Label Support Community to speak to a digital mentor and take the first steps to overcome bullying. You will be met by understanding and non judgemental advice and support.
Alternatively, pick a friend who you trust, a family member or teacher and tell them what’s been going on. Don’t forget to tell them how it makes you feel and how long it’s been going on.
If you don’t feel like talking right now, that’s OK – check out some of these resources that have helped thousands of people overcome bullying…
Statistically speaking, those who experience bullying are likely to go on and bully other people. The very best way to overcome bullying once and for all is to understand those who bully and the reasons behind why they do it.
By showing compassion towards those who bully, no matter how hard that might seem at the time, we can truly overcome bullying. Read this to find out more…
Not only do we work closely with those who are being bullied, but we are also determined to help those who are doing the bullying. If that’s you, have a browse through the resources below for information on how to stop:
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