25 things only early noughties kids will understand

1. Searching for the perfect Myspace profile song that best conveyed your deeply complex soul.

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2. Keeping that swooping side-fringe in place #thestrugglewasreal

3. When you were feeling artistic:

wordartdb

4. Getting out of your super-tight black skinnies like:

5. Post-selfie arm ache.

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6. Your totally impractical school bag: 

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7. Evenings spent flirting on MSN. Will they guess my not-so-cryptic screen name is directed at them? Will they notice me if I log off and then back on? Screw it. I’m gonna nudge them. 

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8. Knowing you will never achieve the Delevingne brow because this was the fashion when you were growing up and you plucked out most of your eyebrow hair #sobsintopillow   

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9. LimeWire basically killing your computer. 

10. California dreaming: ‘No, but like, I am definitely moving there when I grow up’. 

11. When bearing your soul to your crush involved Sharpies and a CD: 

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12. The heart-stopping, pupil-dilating moment when you logged in to see this:

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13. Spending more time with your virtual family than your real-life family.

14. Referencing Shaggy every time someone accused you of something.

15. Feeling so loyal to Myspace you convinced yourself Facebook would never take off.

16. Crop tops and belly button piercings because, Britney. 

17. Memorising the cheer routines from Bring It On.

18. You remember when Justin had his vengeance.

19. You still miss Woolworths.💔

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20. Painful hair goals: 

21. This is the Vause you remember:

22. Waiting for that letter to come and then cursing your simple muggle self when it didn’t arrive. 

23. The satisfaction of opening and closing your flip-phone

24. Your sweet ride: 

25. Thinking this was the most romantic thing you had ever seen. 

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Comedian Shannon DeVido on how she usually answers these 10 common questions about being a wheelchair user

1. How do you go to the bathroom?

I didn’t do well in science, but from what I can tell, after I drink a lot of water or eat, after a few hours, my body lets me know it needs to come out…unless I eat Chipotle, then it’s only about 30 mins. Worth it though.

2. How fast does that thing go?

Sadly, not as fast as I want. If I had my way, I’d “pimp my chair” so it’d be able to go on a highway, but my family don’t think it’s very “safe”. Also, I often hear “you’re going to get a speeding ticket!” Nope. Not true. Not even in a school zone.

3. Can you have sex?

I think you need to buy me a nice dinner and be interested in my extensive Harry Potter knowledge before I answer this question for you.

4. Do you sleep in your chair?

This often comes from kids, so I will usually say, “No, because the stuffed animals on my bed would be lonely.” To adults I just eye roll.

5. Does she need something? (Asked to the person I’m with)

Hi! Down here! You can talk to me! I graduated college, Cum Laude. I’m pretty good at ordering chicken fingers.

6. Do you know [insert name here]? He’s also in a wheelchair.

Steve McSteverson? Yeah! He’s usually at the underground wheelchair meetings where we talk about stupid questions.

7. What’s wrong with you?

Plenty! Just ask my therapist! Honestly, I don’t mind when people ask me about my specific disability, but when it’s said in this curt manner it makes me feel like I should think there’s something wrong with me just for being a wheelchair user.

8. Is your boyfriend in a wheelchair too?

No, James McAvoy is not a wheelchair user… unless he’s playing Professor X. Then yes.

9. Can I get a ride?

How much are you paying me? Rates go up during peak hours and big events. #WheelchairUber

10. Do you need help?

Nope. I’m good. Thank you for asking. I promise I’ll ask if I need it.

**Disclaimer: I’m not actually dating James McAvoy. Sorry, rumour factory and apologies to his incredibly attractive wife.**

Written by Shannon DeVido

www.shannondevido.com

RSS FORUM CHATS

  • ugly
    i asked one of my friend to be extremely honest w me abt my appearance and he said that i wasn’t very pretty and that kind of broke me bc it’s like adding up yk w the other stuff that people have said, i’m lowkey embarrassed not gonna lie
  • Feeling alone
    I don't really know why but I've been feeling alone and depressed lately. It's not like I'm alone alone but it feels like I am (idk if that makes any sense or not) I talk to people all the time but I don't really want to talk to them if you know what I mean. […]
  • Depressed
    Today I feel like rubbish. Not suicidal just had enough of life. Tired as fuck. Does anyone else feel the pain 😔😞😪😕💔😢
  • What are you dressing up as for hallowen?
    What is everyone going to be for halloween?
  • premier league
    kick off Watford vs Liverpool up the reds #YNWA come on liverpoollll offside oops 🙃 goallllllllll tooooooo liverpolllllllllllllllllll lets gooooooooooooooooooo
  • liverpool play today and PL starts again
    here's who's playing - watford v Liverpool Southampton v Leeds United Norwhich city v Brighton Aston Villa v Wolves Lecister City v Man United Man City v Burnley Brentford v Chelsea