Comedian Shannon DeVido on how she usually answers these 10 common questions about being a wheelchair user

1. How do you go to the bathroom?

I didn’t do well in science, but from what I can tell, after I drink a lot of water or eat, after a few hours, my body lets me know it needs to come out…unless I eat Chipotle, then it’s only about 30 mins. Worth it though.

2. How fast does that thing go?

Sadly, not as fast as I want. If I had my way, I’d “pimp my chair” so it’d be able to go on a highway, but my family don’t think it’s very “safe”. Also, I often hear “you’re going to get a speeding ticket!” Nope. Not true. Not even in a school zone.

3. Can you have sex?

I think you need to buy me a nice dinner and be interested in my extensive Harry Potter knowledge before I answer this question for you.

4. Do you sleep in your chair?

This often comes from kids, so I will usually say, “No, because the stuffed animals on my bed would be lonely.” To adults I just eye roll.

5. Does she need something? (Asked to the person I’m with)

Hi! Down here! You can talk to me! I graduated college, Cum Laude. I’m pretty good at ordering chicken fingers.

6. Do you know [insert name here]? He’s also in a wheelchair.

Steve McSteverson? Yeah! He’s usually at the underground wheelchair meetings where we talk about stupid questions.

7. What’s wrong with you?

Plenty! Just ask my therapist! Honestly, I don’t mind when people ask me about my specific disability, but when it’s said in this curt manner it makes me feel like I should think there’s something wrong with me just for being a wheelchair user.

8. Is your boyfriend in a wheelchair too?

No, James McAvoy is not a wheelchair user… unless he’s playing Professor X. Then yes.

9. Can I get a ride?

How much are you paying me? Rates go up during peak hours and big events. #WheelchairUber

10. Do you need help?

Nope. I’m good. Thank you for asking. I promise I’ll ask if I need it.

**Disclaimer: I’m not actually dating James McAvoy. Sorry, rumour factory and apologies to his incredibly attractive wife.**

Written by Shannon DeVido

www.shannondevido.com

RSS FORUM CHATS

  • Nudes going around
    When I was bout 14 years old & it was somebody I liked…. And the snap said ha name & she said N4N so I sent mines first the whole time it was a dude 🤦‍♂️
  • Super Lonely and no idea what to do about it
    I wake up with depression on my neck. It's always there. I grew up in a toxic environment. My Narcissistic father I don't speak to anymore treated me and my siblings like trash. My mom strict but loving did not step up to keep us from the abuse. I've made nothing but toxic friendships and […]
  • How do I know my sexuality
    I am unaware of my sexuality I some times as convinced I am straight other times I think I’m bi and some times I even feel as I may be gay. whike writing this I think and am happy with being biesexual but then in 20 mins I might not does anyone have tips on […]
  • Im confused
    on my sexuality I thought I was bisexual but I'm not sure now as I starting to like the same gender as myself what a female
  • Sexuality
    I am so confused right now .. whether i am bi or not .. or its just in my mind .. like i do like masc girls .. nd i like guys too .. bt is it just a phase .. or am i really bi .. this is soo fucking confusing.. If anyone can […]
  • This is just 4 fun 🤩!!
    I love animals so made this to see which ones you all like🐈🐅🐶🦜🦚🦌🦤🦫🐿🐁🦨