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Why Comparing Your Relationship is Ruining It

Do you ever get that feeling that people are doing better than you at everything? Even when it comes to your relationship? Well this is perfectly normal, to compare yourself, your partner and everything about you both to the world around you. You might feel like this makes you a bad partner, because everything you’ve ever seen about relationships on the TV, in films, or on social media means you should be completely head over heels in love with your other half. But relationships are not always what they seem, and they are always in flux. But although comparing your relationship is normal, it might also be ruining it. Here’s why. 

Don’t compare your chapter 10 to someone else’s chapter 20

Every relationship is different and you might be in a completely different place than those you are holding up as a mirror. Even if you have been with someone longer, or know more about them, or spend more time with them than someone else, that doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is ready for the next big step, whatever that might be. 

Think about what you’ve got, not what you’ve not got

The trouble with being constantly exposed to seemingly happy relationships is that it’s easy to focus on what you’ve not got in your relationship. Whether it’s less money, opportunity to travel, less spontaneity or you feel you aren’t as close to them as others are to their partners, looking at your relationship from this point of view is only going to damage it. Sure, you might not have everything someone else does, but you might have more of something else that they don’t. Focussing on what you have got in your relationship will always make you happier. 

Understand there is a difference between between being unhappy, and being curious

Comparison is the thief of joy, they say. But it’s also a natural human trait that doesn’t always stem from being unhappy. Comparison can come from a natural curiosity to see what the world is like through the eyes of another. It’s wanting to understand what another person’s life is like. And that is an incredibly natural and normal human thing to wonder about. 

Every relationship is different, because we are all different

Every relationship is naturally going to be different from another, because no two human beings are the same. There are going to be challenges you face in yours that others don’t. Similarly, there will be flash points in others’ relationships that simply don’t bother you in yours. This is humanity. So just because one thing annoys your mate, doesn’t mean it has to annoy you, even if they are telling you it should. You are in charge of how you feel in any situation, so listen to your gut instincts. 

Being happy is what matters 

The most important thing in any relationship is that you are happy. That’s it. That’s all that matters. Any relationship can have it’s ups and downs but it is important to remember that it should, on the whole, improve your life. It should bring you joy and allow you to be yourself in the best possible way. If it doesn’t do that, then it might be time to think about moving on. 

Read more about this issue and more on our dedicated Relationships Hub here. 

For support, go to our Community here.

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